


Find My Way Back (To You)

by mara_cas



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Action, Alternate Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Everyone lives/Nobody dies, Fix-It, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Set In the 80', Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-08 09:10:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16426514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mara_cas/pseuds/mara_cas
Summary: (Spoilers for the end of the manga)Alternate ending---What if Eiji hadn’t been hurt that badly by the two Chinese men sent by Yut-Lung? What if he was out of the hospital the next day, with nothing but a scratch, well decided to retrieve Ash?Banana Fish is history, Dino Golzine is dead, but it seems like Ash Lynx still can’t rest. Lee Yut-Lung has a favor to ask him, one Ash and Eiji can’t refuse.As they join forces to unravel a new menace, Eiji has to put his life in danger and Ash must learn to step back. This new adventure could be the opportunity for them to learn more about each other, and to have some very needed talk.---I’ve already written the full fic, so don’t worry, it will be completed!





	1. Chapter 1

Ash was heading to the metro station, eyes on the ground, pace fast. For every other New Yorker, he would seem to be a regular young man, on his way from the library. Nobody would have guessed that this specific young man had just killed a man.

Well to be honest, Ash didn’t know if Lao Yen Tai was dead, he didn’t aim for his vital organs after all and the man had disappeared on the streets right away, with too much rapidity for a dying man.

Ash wondered why he hadn’t killed Lao. There was a great possibility that the Chinese man would come back to try to kill him again after all. But maybe it was the reason Ash had let him live. Because Lao seemed to be the only one to see him like he really was, to see what was so wrong with him.

Ash couldn’t shake the feeling that Lao had a death wish to begin with. He must have been absolutely desperate, because nobody in his right mind would try to take down Ash Lynx alone and with only a knife. 

Lao had however selected his moment wisely. He apparently knew of Ash’s habit of going to the library alone and he did surprise him. Ash was grateful that Eiji was not with him that day. 

Ash had always relied strongly on his instincts. He had faith in them, his body seemed to react to threats like a war machine, killing and eliminating the menace without thinking, without _feeling_. 

But when Eiji was with him, all of this seemed to fade into the background. Ash felt human again. And his instincts were muted, his ruthlessness tone down, to make place for the happiness and fondness that took over whenever he was by Eiji’s side. 

And Ash was thankful for that. He craved that normality, the warmth that flooded into his body, filling him up with the feeling of loving and being loved back. But he couldn’t allow himself to wallow in this emotion. Because in his world, he couldn’t afford to be defenseless. 

The reality had come back to bite him in the ass with a revenge. He couldn’t protect Eiji. He had failed that time when the two Chinatown’s gang members had come to take him down. Sure, Eiji hadn’t been hurt that badly ultimately, but Ash couldn’t shake the feeling that it could have been far worse. Eiji could have died that day, and there was nothing that Ash could have done, even so he was _right there_. And really, it shouldn’t have been a surprise. There were so many times where he had been unable to protect Eiji. He had never been able to protect him from Yut-Lung, Dino or Blanca. All of them were people that would never have come near Eiji if it wasn’t for Ash. All he did was play for time, putting his friend in danger just because he was unable to say him goodbye. 

The memory of the night Eiji had been hurt by the two Chinese flashed before his eyes, making him wince. He tried to make it fade away, but he couldn’t. His heart ached at the thought of what could have happened if Eiji had taken the bullet a little more on the left, in his stomach instead of it scratching his side. Thinking about a life without Eiji was tearing him apart.

He knew they couldn’t continue to live like this any longer. Ever since Eiji and him had returned to their wealthy apartment two days ago, he was trying to prepare himself to part way with his friend. 

He knew he shouldn’t have let Eiji come back with him after he had finally defeated Dino. He should have disappeared, he should have let Eiji no choice but to go back with Ibe.  
But Eiji was the one who came looking for him. As soon as he had been cleared from the hospital, he had headed to the library. Then, upon discovering he was not there, he had gone to the hideout where they had first met and had asked for Ash. Fortunately, Alex was at the bar that day, and he had taken Eiji to Ash right away. Ash had tried to be mad at Eiji, to tell him to not do such dangerous things as to wander alone in this part of town, randomly looking for him. But the happiness on Eiji’s face when they had been reunited was the same that Ash was feeling in his heart, and he couldn’t have resolved himself to send Eiji back to Ibe. 

His mind wandered from dark matters to others dark thoughts. It seemed that his life was destined to be a never-ending chain of troubles. Everything seemed fine, Dino was down, and Banana Fish was no longer an issue, and even so, he just survived a murder tentative on his way from the library.

And really, the worst was that he wasn’t even surprised. How could he be when his life had always looked like this, with each murder just making place for more murder. He was used to it, but now that Eiji was in his life, things couldn’t continue like they had for the past years. 

Eiji needed to go back to Japan, and Ash needed to say goodbye to him. And the sooner the better. 

Blanca was right, he always knew that what they had couldn’t last, and he had been selfish to hold on to it for so long. Even so, the perspective of having this conversation with Eiji was painful, and he couldn’t help but to think that he could wait just a little longer…

 

Arrived at the door of their apartment, a sad smile stretched his lips. He would miss this, returning home to somebody who cared for him.  
“Hey, I’m back”. 

Eiji didn’t respond immediately. When Ash entered the living room, Eiji was on his feet, looking unsettled.  
“Hey, are you ok? What happened?”

Eiji seemed to hesitate, fidgeting in place. “Ibe-san called. When I’ve been shot, we had to inform my mom about it. I talked to her on the phone while in the hospital, and she was very worried about me. She asked me to come back home. Ibe-san thinks too that it’s time for us to go back, now that everything is over with the whole Banana Fish affair. At first, we didn’t mean to stay in America for so long, and now years have passed.” 

Eiji marked a pause. “Ibe-san asked me to come back with him soon, by the end of the week.” 

Oh. “And what was your response?” 

“I said that I wanted to discuss it with you first.” said Eiji, resolve strong in his eyes. 

“Eiji…” Ash sighed. Apparently, they had to have this conversation sooner than he would have liked. But it was for the best, he wasn’t sure he would have had enough willpower to make it happen himself. 

“I think it’s for the best if you return to Japan soon, it’s been long enough already.” 

“And what about you?” asked Eiji with fire in his eyes. “Will you come with me if I go?” 

Ash hesitated. There was nothing he wanted more in the world. But it was too selfish, he needed to make himself a reason. 

“Eiji, I… You know I want to but…” No, it wasn’t good enough. He had to be a lot firmer than that if he wanted Eiji to take him seriously. “I can’t. I shouldn’t. It’s for the best, trust me.” 

Eiji seemed to be expecting this response. Ash steeled himself for his counterattack. “You can’t expect me to go back to Japan without you! We discussed that already, I thought you wanted to go with me!”

“What I want isn’t what’s important here, Eiji! What matter is what is the best for you. I need you to be somewhere safe, to know that you are not endangered. I was selfish for too long, we can’t live like this any longer.” 

“Ash,” said Eiji, and Ash wanted to take back everything he said when he heard the sadness in the other boy’s voice, the way he said his name, like a prayer. But he couldn’t. He had to be strong, for the sake of his friend. 

 

A ring at the door made them startle. “I will answer it,” said Ash, walking to the door, looking everywhere but at Eiji. 

Nothing could have prepared him to the vision of Lee Yut-Lung and two of his men waiting at the door. 

“Good afternoon, Ash Lynx” said the young man with a poisonous smile. “I’m sure you weren’t expecting my visit, but it’s rather rude to make me wait like that at the door.”  
Without a word, Ash made way to allow him to enter the apartment, too stunned to react in any other way. 

“You!” Eiji had followed him to the door. “What are you doing here?” shouted the Japanese man, apparently hesitating between incredulity and furor. 

“Well, hello to you too, Eiji. I would say that I’m glad you are here, but you wouldn’t believe me for now.” Yut-Lung passed a hand across his long hair and looked around the place with a disdainful glare.

“What do you want?” Interrupted Ash, moving to place himself casually in front of Eiji.

“You’re right, I’m not here for the pleasure of your company, I’m here for more pressing matters. Can we maybe sit down?” said the Chinese man, already taking place on the sofa like he owned the place. His two men went to stand behind him. 

Eiji made a disbelieved sound and exchanged a look with Ash. The blond man shrugged. Yut-Lung didn’t seem to be here to harm them. He was many things, and Ash had troubles understanding any of his actions, but he knew that the man was far from stupid, and just walk into their apartment with two men to take them down didn’t seem to be his way of doing things at all. Still, his presence in their home felt like a harbinger of bad news. 

Ash took place on the other sofa, facing Yut-Lung. Eiji sat beside him, glaring daggers at the young Chinese. 

“So, why are you here again?” asked Ash. The sooner they would be done with whatever that snake wanted, the better for everyone. 

Yut-Lung's attitude changed as he tensed and became grave. “First, I want to say that I no longer consider you to be my enemy, Ash. I came here because I need your help.” He turned to Eiji. “I need both of you to help me.”

“And why would we do that? Because you decided to no longer treat us like enemies, everything is fine, and we all become friends?” spat the Japanese boy.

Yut-Lung smirked. “Oh, I’ve never considered you to be my enemy Eiji, it would have been giving you far too much worth. I was talking about Ash. You were always just a very dislikeable pebble in my shoe, nothing more.”

Eiji frowned and his mouth formed into a scowl. “I see you’re good at asking favor to people,” he replied through gritted teeth.

“Enough digression already,” interrupted Ash, who could only take so much of Yut-Lung's attitude. “Say what you have to say.” 

Yut-Lung straightened himself. “Well, I see you’re straight to the point, like always. The truth is, I’m not begging you to help me, or making myself more agreeable to please you, because I know you will want to help me when I will have explained the situation.” Yut-Lung paused, savoring the attention of the boys on him. “Banana fish risk of making a comeback, and I need your help to make sure it never surfaces again. And for good this time.”

The boys were taken aback by the revelation. “But… How? Everyone involved is either dead or on our side.”

“Well, it’s actually because the Corsican mafia is out that people are trying to take their piece of the cake. Years ago, when Alexis Dawson was still working on the formula of the drug, he was discussing its effects with a Neuropsychopharmacology’s specialist from Japan, with who he had studied with in medical school.”

“When he discovered the right formula, it was with the help of this man. The Japanese searcher was just that, a scientist. He had no intention of taking advantage of the formula. However, rumors that he was working on some new American drug began to spread around him and came to the ears of the Yakuza, who took over his research. With an incomplete formula but with the knowledge that it could become something of importance, they stood silent by fear of reprisals from the Corsican Mafia.” 

“But with the head of the Corsican mafia dead, they began to be bolder. You know the Yakuza have little to no presence in New York, their activity in the United States is mostly relegated to Hawaii. But talking with the right people, they quickly understood that some highly placed men would pay the price to possess the same information as them.”

“In short, they have a delegation that arrived in New York yesterday. You have no idea how hard it was to assemble that information, even for someone with a network as big as mine. Fortunately for us all, I was good at letting my ears everywhere when I was working with Dino.” 

“Tonight, a gala is hosted in honor of the birthday of Anthony Colonna’s daughter. It will be full of influential people. The Japanese delegation will attend with the purpose of making a deal with Anthony Colonna, who happen to be the man sent by the Corsican mafia in New York to piece back Dino’s empire, and who could easily become the new head of the Corsican mafia here. You know what they said, when you cut a head, two grow back… It’s in the natural order and I have no problem with it, the Corsican mafia is at its weakest state, but we always knew it wouldn’t leave New York for good anyway. However, I don’t want to deal with Banana Fish anymore. I want that drug off the world for good. That’s the reason I came to you.”

Ash stayed silent a minute. This was a lot to take. “And what are you expecting from me?”

Yut-Lung smiled. “Not just you. In fact, I especially need Eiji’s help on this case.” 

“Me?” exclaimed Eiji, shocked. Ash was just as surprised as him: “Why him? Is it because he speaks Japanese?” 

“That’s a part of it, yes. But that’s not the whole thing. Let me explain myself. The Yakuza delegation is a really small one, this affair is not a priority for them, they just expect to make a little money on an information which they didn’t even consider to be useful for years. They have no idea of what is behind all this and what they could trigger by reintroducing it in America.”

“They have entrusted all the information they have on Banana Fish to a man, Hiroshi Sagawa, and he is only accompanied by an escort of five men. He detains the information on a floppy disc, which never leaves him. From the information I gathered, Sagawa hates white people with passion, especially American ones. His presence in New York is in fact a punishment from the Yakuza, after he screwed up an affair he was working on for them.”

“What we need is someone to take the disc from him tonight, and replace it with one we made, that contain false information. That way, the Yakuza will sale a useless information to the Corsican and they will not be able to recreate Banana Fish. From there, the relationship between the Yakuza and the Corsican mafia will be nipped in the bud. All we need is a person to make the exchange of disc. But it’s essential for the exchange to be above suspicion. We cannot risk for Hiroshi Sagawa to suspect anything, or everything we’ve done would have been for nothing. The person performing the switching must be unsuspected. From what we gathered, Sagawa has a sweet tooth for young men, young Japanese man that is, so we’re in luck in that aspect.”

“And you expect Eiji to be the one doing the exchange? You expect me to believe you didn’t find any other young Japanese in New York?” scuffed Ash, disbelieved. 

“Well, not in so little time, and not one that we could trust to understand what this whole affair means. Plus, Eiji will be perfect for the role, nobody would suspect him to be more than what he seems. And the fact that you will have to help us if you want to make sure your precious friend is alright is a plus. With you on board, it’s impossible for us to fail.” 

Ash looked at Eiji, who had been awfully silent for all of the exchange. 

“If I follow correctly,” began the Japanese, slowly, “you need me to approach that Yakuza man, at a gala tonight, and to exchange a disc in his possession?” 

“Exactly!” exclaimed Yut-Lung. “You are not as slow as you seem when you want. And see, it’s simple, even you can do it!” 

Eiji cheeks became bright pink “You definitely have a funny way of asking for help,” he grumbled. 

“You said it’s easy, but I found this whole affair to be awfully dangerous. I see too many things that could turn badly. I accept to help you, but you will have to find another Japanese to do the work.” said Ash with finality in his voice. 

Eiji turned to him, brow furrowed. “And you think you can decide for the both of us? Like you decided that I would be better going back to Japan alone?” 

“Eiji, it’s not about that… I-” 

“How is it not about that, it’s actually exactly the same situation. You decide once again what’s best for me, even so I may disagree.” 

Ash’s expression hardened. “Well, you know what, maybe it is the same, and my position stands. It’s too dangerous and I don’t want you to be in the middle of these situations anymore.” 

“Oh my,” said Yut-Lung, visibly having a great time watching them fight. “If I knew I would cause this, I wouldn’t have asked.” Ash doubted very much of it. 

Yut-Lung became serious again. “The truth is… We are losing time. I really can’t ask that to anybody else. Here is what I propose: you help me, and I give you the disc containing all the information about Banana Fish. You can destroy it or give it to your journalist friend for all I care. I just want to be done with it. Plus, I promise to never bother you again. You could eliminate me from your list of menaces.”

“I’m not scared of you,” scuffed Ash. But he saw Eiji’s eyes light up at the end of Yut-Lung’s sentence. 

“Even so,” continued the Chinese boy. “You know better than to have me as an enemy. Like you saw, my area of influence is not limited to New York, and I’m not one to forgive easily.” 

Ash frowned. “I don’t like your tone of voice. If you think you can threaten us…” 

“It’s not a threat, not for now anyway. I began to ask you politely, you’re the one that is making things complicated…”

“I accept.” Eiji’s frank voice made them startle. “I will do it, if you swear to leave us alone when all of this is done with.”

“I promise you” responded Yut-Lung solemnly. “And I take great pride in always holding my words.”

“It’s settled then,” said Eiji, firmly. 

Ash began to open his mouth to protest but he was silenced by the look in Eiji’s eyes. “I can do it Ash. Trust me on this.” 

“You know I trust you Eiji, I just don’t want to put you in danger…” 

But Ash’s resolve was wavering. After all, Yut-Lung was right, Ash himself was feeling concerned with the cause, and was willing to offer his help. It was natural that Eiji would feel the same, he was involved in this too, even if Ash didn’t like it. 

Ash took a deep breath and looked Yut-Lung in the eyes: “You better wish nothing happen to him or else, there will be no place on earth where you will be safe from me.” 

Yut-Lung seemed a little stressed out by the implication. He knew before coming that it would be hard to convince Ash, and he knew how dangerous it was to risk Eiji’s life when Ash was there. But he had no choice, he wasn’t lying when he said that he had no other alternative. “You have my word,” said the Chinese, somberly. “I will do everything I can to not let that happen.”

\---

Eiji and Ash were escorted to one of Yut-Lung’s places. “Will Sing be helping us?” asked Eiji when they passed the large door. 

“I had people sent to bring him here, but they couldn’t reach him. With your men and mine, we have already enough people for the operation anyway. Remember that we want to be discreet. I will assure you support in case things go wrong, but ideally you will not need it.” 

“So, could you tell us more about your plan for tonight?” asked Ash. 

“I’m a figure of the underworld, but I have my entries in the light too. I was personally invited to the reception.” responded the Chinese with jubilation. “I will go as myself, with a small escort, like I always do. Eiji will go with me, I already procured us an invitation for him. We will make him pass for a Japanese friend of my family, in visit in New York.” He turned to Ash. “You and some of your most trusted men will go as staff members. I already got you engaged, since your predecessor were, hum… indisposed by their last meal, while they were working on installing the place for tonight.”

“I see you let nothing to luck.”

“I’m well prepared for tonight, everything has been done to assure us the smooth running of the operation. Now I just need you to do your part.” Yut-Lung waved to some of his men: “Take them to the room I made prepared for them.” 

Ash and Eiji followed the men to an elevator which brought them to another wing of the mansion.

“Damn, this bastard is really wealthy, this place is huge,” whispered Ash, making Eiji laugh a little. 

“Do you think he is compensating for something?” asked the Japanese with a lewd expression. Before Ash could answer with another philosophical observation about the oversized ego of their host, they were brought in front of their suite. 

 

They were putting on their costumes when Yut-Lung entered the room. 

Ash was dressed like a waiter, black gilet over a white shirt. 

Eiji stepped out of the bathroom where a woman was helping him to get ready. He was stunning. His black hair was styled back with gel, releasing his face from his heavy bangs. It made him look older and his face look sharper. He was wearing a well-cut black suit which embraced his shape and accentuated the lines of his body. Ash knew enough about dress suits to know that the one he was wearing was a really classy and expensive one. 

“So, how do I look?” asked the Japanese boy, gesturing to himself. 

“You look…” Ash hesitated. “…not like a fifteen years old boy anymore.” was what Ash chooses to settle with. 

Eiji scowled. “I don’t know what I expected when I asked for your opinion” he muttered, looking at himself in the mirror. 

“What he thinks doesn’t matter, what’s important is what Sagawa thinks. And I’m sure he will love what he sees.” intervened Yut-Lung, leaning on the doorframe. “I see the little bunny metamorphosed himself into a prince. Let’s hope the spell will work on your target.” 

Eiji grunted in reply. “So, will you give me more details on my mission tonight?” 

“That’s what I’m here for. Like I said, Sagawa doesn’t want to be there, and he will likely be grateful for a distraction, so it will be a piece of cake for you to approach him. Stay with the version we talked about, you’re a friend of mine and you miss Japan, so you’re so grateful to have encountered a nice Japanese man with whom you can talk badly of the American in your native language. It would be the best if you could make him drink a little, do you hold well your liquor?” 

Eiji looked uncomfortable. “Hum, I… I’m not used to drink…” 

“That’s a no,” translated Ash for him. Eiji made a face but he couldn’t contradict him. 

Yut-Lung seemed annoyed but recovered quickly. “That doesn’t matter, the man at the bar will be one of ours, we will just have to warn him to give you fake alcohol. Now, what would be the best would be if you could sneak out with Sagawa to make the exchange. There, either you make him take off his clothes, or you do it another way when he is busy with you, I don’t care, but you have to make the exchange without him noticing, do you understand?” Eiji nodded, looking tense. 

“Are you sure you’re okay with it?” asked Ash, “You can still back up if you need…” 

“No”, interrupted Eiji. “I can do it.” 

“Well, you will have to be more convincing than this time we were with Dino. I mean, I know it’s not the same but I’m not sure you have what it takes to seduce someone judging by your reaction this time…” said Yut-Lung, looking at him pensively. 

“Hold on, what time with Dino? What are you talking about?” cut off Ash, taken aback. 

Yut-Lung seemed genuinely surprised: “You didn’t know? I thought…” 

Ash turned to Eiji “What is he talking about?” 

But Yut-Lung was the one to answer. “Well, I’m just asking if the boy has what it takes to seduce our target, knowing that he was acting like a little boy when he was tied up in Dino’s bed and…” 

“What?” Ash looked at his friend with a new intensity. What was Yut-Lung talking about?

Eiji was looking really pale, seeming at loss for words. Ash’s mind was running fast. It couldn’t… It couldn’t be about this time when Eiji was kidnapped and brought to Golzine right? It’s true that Ibe had say that they were plotting to make Eiji Dino’s pet but that didn’t happen… Or did it? He would have been able to see the difference in Eiji, to feel it… Eiji would have said… 

“Ash!” Eiji was looking at him, concern written all over his face. “Nothing happened then, it’s true that we were taken to Dino’s bed, but you arrived before he did anything to us, everything is fine, it’s okay…” 

Ash noticed that Eiji had put a hand on his arm while talking. A wave of relief passed through him.

“You never told me it nearly happened…” he said, unable to look at him. Knowing he could have been just minutes late, maybe if he had made more difficulties when Yut-Lung's men had taken them to Dino, or even because of something as trivial as a dense traffic, it hold on to nothing, and this nothing could have changed everything. 

Eiji was still looking at him with worry in his eyes. Ash reprimanded himself, he was not the one that needed comfort, he had to be more attentive to Eiji. Knowing that his friend had passed this to silent was hard to digest.

Yut-lung was watching them with a sour expression. “I didn’t think you would react like that, you have to pull yourself together, you’ve been through so much worse and then something as trivial as this affect you? You need to get a hold of yourself, we can’t fail tonight.”

“I know. We’re listening, go on” grunted Ash in reply. 

“So,” continued Yut-Lung, “once you manage to take the disk back, warn us with a sign. We will cause a distraction and you will be able to escape Sagawa without him suspecting something’s off. It’s not that dangerous, really, the gala will be full of people ready to intervene if something goes wrong. The most delicate part is however the exchange of the disk, that’s why I wanted to test your resolve.”

“I’m ready,” said Eiji, determined. “I will do my best.”

“I want you to make another sign if you are not comfortable and you need to be removed from the situation.” added Ash. Eiji turned to him and nodded silently.  


Yut-Lung grimaced, wrinkling his nose. “We need this to work, we can’t stop just because your little…” He didn’t finish his sentence, stuck in place by Ash menacing glare. He sighed. “Alright, let’s agree to two different signals then…”

Yut-Lung continued. “I need to know how far you are willing to go for our plan. If everything go well, Sagawa will be seduced by you, leading to the discreet exchange of the disk. But, well… For it to work you really need to distract him. You maybe will need to let him kiss you, or even to start to undress him, that would make the exchange the simplest.”  
Eiji reddened a little. “I’m ok with it.”

Ash looked at him with a concerned expression. “Are you sure? Even the kiss part?”

Eiji nodded, “Yeah, it’s nothing, I can do it. After all it really is nothing. It’s like when you kissed me in prison to give me this message…” he answered, visibly trying to make his tone light.

A sour expression passed on Ash face. When he talked, his voice was small: “Is it really the same for you? I didn’t realize it could have made you feel bad-”

Eiji cut him off there, an alarmed expression on his face: “No! That’s not what I meant!” he shouted, his hands raised in the air like he was trying to surrender himself. “I… It’s not. The same. I-It’s not the same for me.” he completed, looking at his feet, his cheeks red. “And it didn’t make me feel bad.” he finished, too embarrassed to look at Ash, who was glad for it because he was sure he was blushing hard too.

Ash cleared his throat, which was feeling really tight for some reason. It was true that when he had kissed Eiji that time, it was just a mean to an end, it really was just a way to give him his message. But he would be lying to himself if he pretended that there was no other way to convey his message. And he couldn’t say he had minded very much kissing this cute Japanese weirdo either back then. 

But now that he knew Eiji like he did now, this kiss didn’t have the same savor as it did before, and he really was relieved that his friend didn’t take it like an aggression. He didn’t think much of it on the moment. After all, he himself had been through so much worse than an unwanted kiss that he didn’t think of it as an aggression. 

But now that he was thinking about it, he saw how displaced it could have been to Eiji. He did take his time to make sure the Japanese could back off the kiss if he wanted, but still… And what made it worse was that it was probably Eiji first kiss, or not far from it, judging that he told him he didn’t have a girlfriend waiting for him in Japan and didn’t seem to have any experience in this area. 

Yut-Lung made a strangled noise, like he was ready to throw up here and there. 

“Well, if it’s settled, you finish preparing yourself Eiji, and Ash you can go upstairs, a member of your gang is waiting for you.” 

Yut-Lung then stormed out the room, leaving them in an uncomfortable silence. 

\---

Eiji was ready. That’s what he repeated himself anyway. He really wanted things to work out tonight, he wanted to prove he could be useful too. And if he managed to play his part, Yut-Lung would finally leave Ash alone, like he promised. 

Eiji was alone in the room. Ash had left just behind Yut-Lung to go meet with Alex and go over the plan with him. Now that they had brought the subject of the kiss back, that was the only thing Eiji could think of. He didn’t know exactly why he had felt the need to compare his mission of tonight with the kiss in prison. He just wanted to reassure Ash that him too could do things like that, that if there was no meaning behind a kiss then it was just a physical gesture, one he could do with a stranger if that was all it took to make the plan successful. 

But he didn’t mean to make Ash feels like the kiss in prison had been unpleasant for him. It had been surprising yes, but he could have refused it if he had really wanted. And he understood that this was the only way for Ash to give him his message. 

Eiji felt himself blush thinking back of the kiss. On how Ash had cradled his cheek, caressing his hair gently, before bringing their two mouths close. And then, too fast for Eiji to comprehend, his tongue was suddenly in his mouth, and a pill was disposed against his inner cheek. He felt all bothered thinking of Ash’s tongue in his mouth. Of course, they didn’t have that type of relationship. Eiji never expected Ash to kiss him again after that, and he would never ask him to, knowing his friend background. But that didn’t stop him from feeling a pleasant warmness in his stomach thinking back of this kiss. 

Ash’s reaction just before had surprised him. He too had seemed embarrassed and even _pleased_ when Eiji had said he hadn’t minded the kiss… 

Eiji shook his head. Now wasn’t the time to dwell on this. 

He startled when one of Yut-Lung men entered the room. Like all his bodyguards, he was broad with a stern face, looking intimidating. But the man took a deep breath and suddenly his whole demeanor changed, his shoulders fell, and he seemed to become more and more uncomfortable by the seconds. “So…” the man cleared his throat, “You are Eiji Okumura, eh?” 

Eiji just stared at him, not understanding what the other man was doing here. 

“I… Master Yut-Lung sent me here to… Talk. With you. Make sure you are ready.” 

Eiji was certain that Yut-lung had already sent the man on mission that were much more horrible than making small talk with him, missions probably involving murder and the like, but right now, the man seemed to be in front of his worst nightmare. Eiji didn’t know how to take this. What was Yut-Lung thinking anyway, by sending his gorilla to make him feel better? 

“I, uh…” he continued, and Eiji was nearly feeling bad for the man who was trying to find his words in front of him. “You shouldn’t worry about tonight, everything will be fine.” Finally said the man, looking proud of himself for managing to make a whole sentence. 

“I’m not worried” replied Eiji. 

The man smiled at him. “You shouldn’t anyway, nothing could happen to you when you have a man who is ready to throw away his life for you, without even a second of hesitation.” said the man, with a reverent air. 

“Wh- Are you talking about yourself?!” Was it the reason Yut-Lung had sent this man? To make him know that one of his men would be ready to die for him? 

“What? No! I wasn’t talking about me! I mean… Of course, my life is the propriety of my master and I will do whatever he commands me but… I wasn’t talking about me.” 

“What were you referring to then?” asked Eiji, confused. 

“I… You know, your friend, the Ash Lynx.” 

“Ah…” So, this was about Ash. “I do feel better knowing Ash will be with me…” 

“Yeah of course! I’m still recovering from this time I saw him aim this gun at himself and fire without batting an eyelid, just because master Yut-Lung was menacing your life. I gotta said, I was curious to finally meet the man for which the Ash Lynx would throw his life away.” 

Eiji felt blood stop in his veins. His whole body became cold. _What was the man talking about?_

\---

Yut-Lung entered the room in which Ash was talking with Alex of the last details of the operation. He dismissed Alex like he was nothing more than a lackey.  
“You can leave us now, Ash will join you in the car shortly.” 

Alex looked at Ash, waiting for him to confirm if he wanted him to leave. Ash nodded. “Go over everything a last time with the boys, we must not let anything to luck tonight.”  
“Got it boss.” answered the man, leaving quickly and casting a curious look at Yut-Lung as he did so. 

“So,” began Ash, “What brings you here again? I thought we’ve been through everything.” Yut-Lung looked at him with a neutral expression. 

“I just wanted to tell you one last thing. I hope you understand how substantial this operation is. We really need it to work, we won’t have another chance.” 

“I know that well. You should know I take it seriously.” answered Ash, not sure where Yut-Lung was going with this.

“Of course you will take it seriously,” scuffed Yut-Lung, his voice full of depreciation, “after all, the life of your little Japanese friend is at stake. But that’s exactly what worry me. I need to be sure you won’t put the operation at risk at the first sign of trouble threatening your precious Eiji.”

Ash frowned. “I’m not sure what you want to hear me say, Eiji’s well-being will pass before the operation no matter what, and there’s nothing you could say that could make me change my order of priorities.”

Yut-Lung winced. “Eiji’s life is not the only thing at stake tonight! You can’t put the operation in jeopardy just because you’re worried about him! Your own men will be there for fuck’s sake! At least pretend to care about it for a change!”

“I do not need to hear you of all people telling me to watch out for my gang. If that’s all you wanted to say, I think we’re done here.” 

As Yut-Lung was making no sign of moving, his expression sour and his eyes shouting at him, Ash sighed. “That being said, I trust Eiji. I will not intervene if he doesn’t need me to. The operation is as important to me as it is to you, but Eiji pass before everything else and I won’t excuse myself for that.”

Yut-Lung sighted, defeated. “Well I guess that’s the best I can hope from you… Let’s hope your friend will not chicken out and carry the operation with more serious than you do.”  
Yut-Lung wandered around the room, looking deep in thoughts. “Did he told you that the room we were in a moment ago was the one I made him stay in after I got him out of prison last time? The window has been promptly replaced of course…” 

Ash blinked, perplex. “The window?” 

Yut-Lung stared at him. “Oh, so he didn’t tell you about his little escape either? You two need to talk things out, you know, that’s the first rule of a successful relationship.”  
Ash felt himself blush a little, “What would you know about relationships? Nothing matters to you except your own person.”

Yut-Lung laughed, but there wasn’t any joy in it and the sound of it made Ash’s skin shudder. “I guess you’re right. I don’t understand what make you care that much about that insignificant twerp after all.” he said with a contemplative look on his face. 

Ash thought about what Yut-Lung had just said. He had talked about an escape attempt? Ash knew Eiji was taken out of prison thank to him, and that he stayed with Sing after that, but Eiji didn’t tell him anything about what happened. In fact, he totally avoided talking about Yut-Lung involvement, even after Ash pointed it out to him. Eiji was so easy to read, it was clear he didn’t want to talk about it, so Ash didn’t push it at the time, and they had other things going on in the same moment. But now that Yut-Lung talked about it, he felt curious to know more about it. 

“You said you retained Eiji here after taking him out of prison, but I don’t understand why you would do this.” 

Yut-Lung seemed pensive. “Ah, I guess I don’t really know either after all… I wanted to know why him. Why someone like you could accord so much importance to someone like him.”

Ash shrugged. “You couldn’t understand.” 

“Yeah, that’s what he said too. I guess you’re right about this, I will never understand.” 

“You said he escaped, through? What happened?”

Yut-Lung seemed to regain a little energy, “Well, he made several attempts, he is quite stubborn, I have to give him that. His only successful one was right after we learned that you were dead. I heard a big noise of broken glasses, and I came in his room alone, without wary of anything. I thought he had maybe taken his own life, because that was the only thing he could do after hearing you were dead. But I was wrong, he was waiting for me and he jumped on me, holding me in respect with a sharp of broken glass from the window. Obviously, my men came right away, but I told them to let him be, I guess I wanted to see what he would do… I even let him exchange his piece of glass with a gun. We went outside and got into a car, but he didn’t seem to have a place to go in mind. We finally stopped somewhere. That’s when I told him to kill me.” 

Yut-Lung marked a pause, seeming lost deep in his thoughts, and Ash retained his breath. When Yut-Lung raised his head to meet his eyes, they were shinning with anger. “But he didn’t even do it! He just stood there, with this gun in his hand, like a lost kitten. I tried to make him react, I told him that if he didn’t do it, I would become your worst nightmare, that I would do everything to kill you, and that I would never stop to come after him to reach you. But you know what he told me? That he couldn’t because I wasn’t armed. What a joke right? I was maybe unarmed, but I was never defenseless, and I told him that what mattered was that I would come after you with all I had if he didn’t stop me right there. And he still didn’t do it, because he is a coward, and he didn’t even want to dirty his hands to save you, you who have killed so many for him.” 

Ash stayed quiet as Yut-Lung was regaining his composure. His silence made Yut-Lung turn to him, his gaze hard. “What? You have nothing to say? You’ve finally understood that your precious friend is a coward? That he doesn’t deserve someone like you?” 

That made Ash broke out of his silence. “I’m the one that doesn’t deserve him! You call him a coward, but he put his own life in danger so many times to protect me! The only difference between us is that he always had a choice. He could come back to a normal life anytime, but time and time again he made the decision to stay with me, to stay in danger, to risk his life for me. He saved me. He is saving me. And he doesn’t need to kill anyone to do that. He is not a murderer, and he will never be, as long as I can save him from it. It’s too late for me, I’m already a monster, and so are you. That’s why you wanted to make him like us. You could have said goodbye to this painful life and took someone to suffer over you that way. You are the coward, if you want to die that much, do it yourself! But don’t take an innocent to make the work for you!” 

“Shut up! That’s not how it is at all! Don’t pretend you understand me!” shouted the Chinese man, out of breath. “I’…” 

Two of Yut-Lung’s men entered the room, their pieces in hand. “Are you alright master Yut-Lung?” 

“I’m fine!” shouted the young man. “I’m perfectly fine, I have never been this fine in my life!” and he stormed out of the room, not looking at anyone as he did so. 

\---

When Ash retrieved Eiji to escort him to the car that would take him to the reception, his heart strained in his chest. He wondered if he should talk to him about what he had just discovered. He now understood clearly why Eiji haven’t said anything about it himself, he was _ashamed_ of it. He probably was blaming himself for not being able to kill Yut-Lung, resulting in him coming for them after that.

That’s why he was so worried about Yut-Lung after coming back from him. He knew he would be targeted, but he stayed with Ash even so. Ash would have liked to know everything from him, for sure, that would have certainly made things easier. But he understood why Eiji hadn’t said anything. He was probably scared that Ash would make him go back to Japan. And he would have been right, that’s probably what Ash would have suggested if he had known. 

Ash felt a pain in his chest, thinking about how Eiji would rather put his own life in danger than be separate from him. Ash wished he would put more value in his life, that he would choose a normal life far from him. That would make things so much easier. It would be painful, of course, but Ash could force himself to do it, to never see Eiji again if it meant that Eiji could live a safe. But the problem was that Eiji refused it. And maybe it was now too late for him to live a happy life if they were to be separated… 

Eiji seemed to be lost in his thoughts too. He wasn’t looking at him as he walked with his gaze on the floor. Ash wondered if he was worried about what would come next. 

“Having second thoughts?” he asked, making his tone light. Eiji raised his head and smiled at him but he still had a tense expression. “I’m fine, I can do it” he said with determination. 

“That’s not what I meant,” sighed Ash, “I know you can, I’m asking if you still want to do it. You can still step back if you want, we could find another way to do it…”

“No, it’s ok, I want to.” said Eiji. The determined look in his eyes made Ash nod in agreement. 

They attained the fancy car which would take Eiji to the reception. Alex and some of the gang were there, dressed as waiters. They would take another more discreet car that awaited near them.

“Hey Eiji, looking sharp!” said Alex when they reached him, an appreciative look in his eyes. Eiji purposely looked at Ash, a smug smile stretching his lips. “Oh, thank you, Alex.” 

Ash couldn’t retain himself from giving Alex a dark look above Eiji’s shoulder. Alex didn’t miss it and paled instantly. “Hum, I mean, well, you look different, that’s what I meant, I was obviously not complimenting you or anything aha… Hum, I’m gonna see if the boys are ready to go, see you later!” stuttered the poor man, hurrying to go hide somewhere his boss’ stare couldn’t reach him. 

Eiji looked at his fleeing figure with a betrayed expression that made Ash feel bad about his immature reaction. After all, Eiji needed to feel powerful and seductive tonight, and he couldn’t blame Alex for expressing the truth: Eiji _was_ stunning. 

“Eiji…” the Japanese man turned to him, regaining his serious. “Just remember that I will always be with you tonight, I will never leave your side.” 

Eiji acquiesced. “I know.” he answered with confidence. His dark eyes were shinning with determination. Ash resisted the urge to smooth the wrinkle that had formed between his frowned eyebrows. “Be careful, and don’t push yourself too much,” he said instead. 

“I won’t,” replied Eiji. “But only if you are careful too.”

Ash couldn’t help but to smile at that. Eiji was certainly the only person to be able to be concerned about him, even so he was the one that would be the most endangered. 

“I’m, not joking!” said Eiji with a petulant look. “I’m serious Ash, if I’m careful, you have to be too. And don’t baby me ok? I don’t need you to watch over me like a worried mom!” 

Ash chuckled softly. “I can’t believe you are comparing me to a mom! That’s probably the only thing I have never ever been compared too.” 

“Well, there’s a first to everything.” replied Eiji, looking pleased with himself for some reason. 

As he was turning to get into the car, Ash shouted after him. 

“Hey Eiji, Alex was right. You’re looking sharp!” 

Ash got just the time to see his stunned expression and red cheeks before the car driver locked the door behind the Japanese.  
Ash was still smiling to himself as he joined Alex and the boys to his attributed car.


	2. Chapter 2

The reception was certainly as fancy as the one Dino gave to celebrate getting cleared of the tax evasion allegation he was subjected to. But the atmosphere felt lighter. It was really a party this time, not a demonstration of strength orchestrated by Golzine to show off his high connections. 

Eiji couldn’t help but to feel a little out of place. At least last time, he was playing the role of a waiter, someone who didn’t exist in the eyes of the guests, someone who had much less presence to them than the plate of whatever he was holding then. Now in contrast, he was out there in the light, feeling people eying him and Yut-Lung with curiosity. 

He scanned the ballroom and took notice of Bones, proposing delicate entremets to a couple. His gaze fell finally on Ash, a plate of champagne in his hands. He looked so composed, like he had done this all his life. Wasn’t it anything that Ash Lynx couldn’t do? And he even had the audacity to look so good doing it! Eiji saw an old lady take a cup of champagne and flutter her eyelashes at Ash. For sure, he wouldn’t be as transparent as Eiji was when he played his role last time. 

Ash raised his head and his eyes met Eiji’s, who allowed a discreet smile to stretch his lips. A wave of affection overwhelmed him. Knowing that Ash was there with him sure made him feel safer. 

The moment was broken by Yut-Lung. “Stop that, I could feel you two make out with your eyes from across the room. I’m not surprised knowing you, but I expected better of the Lynx. I swear if you ruin everything I worked for I will…” 

Eiji blushed “I-I’m, we weren’t…” 

“Oh please, I don’t want to hear you justify yourself, you make it so difficult for me to not strangle you right there…” Yut-Lung looked like he was seriously retaining himself from being sick. “Your target is here, and he’s at the bar. That’s the perfect moment for you to meet him.” 

Eiji looked in the direction Yut-Lung indicated and sure enough, there was a Japanese man sated at the bar. He seemed to be in his forties, black hair and the robustness of an adult well fed. Eiji took a deep breath and headed to the bar. “I can do it” he murmured to himself. 

“Well I sure hope you can, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see you fail. That’s why there’s a backup team for you.” Eiji wondered if it was Yut-Lung twisted way of reminding him that he was not alone and would be rescued if things escaladed badly. That or Yut-Lung was just being an asshole, which seemed to fit him better. 

 

As Eiji was getting closer to the bar, he noticed that Sagawa Hiroshi was a tall man. Well, at least taller than Eiji for sure, even if this was not a difficult thing to achieve. Eiji wondered briefly if he could have the upper hand physically if they were to fight. That didn’t seem very likely, so he hoped he would not have to find out. 

Arrived at the bar, he ordered champagne and sat beside the Japanese man. He recognized the barman as one of Ash’s gang member, but not one he knew well. _“That’s better that way,”_ thought Eiji. It would be easier for him to play his role in front of someone he didn’t know. He noticed that his drink was not alcoholic when he took a sip of it. His throat was dry, so he decided to drink all the liquid in one go. 

The man beside him laughed. “Thirsty I see.” he observed. That really was the lamest way that Eiji had ever been accosted. Even counting the time these two men had hit on him as he was bleeding out after his escape from Yut-Lung, an eternity ago. But at least the man was the one to make the first step, making it very easy for Eiji to respond. 

“Well yeah, I can’t help it, these receptions bore me out to no end” sighed Eiji. “I swear that if I have to hear another of these Americans call me Samurai boy, I’m going back to Japan by swimming if I have to!” 

The face of the man brightened up. “So you really are Japanese! I had guessed by hearing your accent! I’m so happy to have the luck to meet a fellow countryman in this sea of American jerks.” 

The man extended his arm: “I’m Sagawa Hiroshi, pleased to meet you.” 

“Likewise, Sagawa-san.” responded Eiji, shaking the extending hand. “My name is Nakamura Aiji, and I think you just saved my evening.” 

Sagawa was beaming like a child. “Ah! I’m the one who should be saying that! If I knew I would meet a vision like you tonight, I would have made an actual effort in dressing myself!” 

Eiji smiled. So, the man was already flirting with him? That was fast, Eiji didn’t even have to do anything for it. He lowered his eyelashes in a perfect abashed look. “Oh, come on, how can a man dressed so elegantly can even say things like that! I know you are just trying to flatter me.” 

The man smiled: “Well, is it working?” he asked with a devious grin. Eiji felt himself redden. He was supposed to be the one seducing the man, not the other way around! But this man was wasting no time, and Eiji had to step up his game to keep up with him. 

The man’s smile widened when he saw his blush, taking it as an encouragement. Eiji felt his gaze browse his body from head to toes, then rest not so subtly on his lips. “So, will you let me buy you a drink?” he asked. Eiji nodded. “Only if you drink with me.”

“So, what are you doing in America, Aiji? I’m sure you’re not here for the crappy landscape and the displeasing company.” asked Sagawa. 

Eiji giggled. “Ah, no I’m not, that’s for sure! My father is a business partner of one of mister Yut-Lung’s company in Asia. My family thought it would be good for me to get close of the American world of affairs. But I’m hoping to return to Japan as soon as possible. It’s been so long since I had a pleasant conversation with anyone that isn’t a rude American!” sighed Eiji. “And you? What brings you to America if I may ask?” 

“Ah, just business and unpleasant affairs, but I don’t want to annoy you with these dull matters.” 

Eiji laughed lightly. “I agree, let’s not talk about business tonight! Let’s enjoy each other company and celebrate our meeting!” 

“I couldn’t agree more” smiled Sagawa, ordering another drink for himself and for Eiji and getting closer of the younger man. Eiji steeled himself mentally. The hardest part started now. 

\---

Ash was doing his best to stay as close as the bar as possible, but these damned guests weren’t making his task easy. He had tried to take the plate with the less appetizing food, hoping to be left alone, but apparently that wasn’t enough to keep these people away. 

His plate was now empty, and he had to go fill it back as quickly as possible, slaloming between the wealthy couples and the women with long and bulky dress. 

He took a last look at the bar and saw that the old bastard had is hand on Eiji’s own, caressing it tenderly and undressing the young man with his eyes. Ash knew this look too well, that old scumbag was already seeing himself getting good time with Eiji, and the mere thought of it was making Ash’s stomach recoil. His grip on his plate was so hard that it was hurting, but he barely noticed it. He knew he had to get through this, and Eiji was handling the situation pretty well from what he could see, battling his eyelashes, smiling and giggling on cue, but Ash hated viscerally the predator gaze that the older man laid upon his friend. 

One day, Eiji had said to Ash that if he could, he would exchange his place with him, take Ash away from his twisted world and keep him safe. These words had made a great impression on Ash, making him realize just how much Eiji cared about him. It felt like it was the first time this happened to him. For everyone else, he was Ash Lynx, the gang leader, the cold murderer. He was the one that was always taking the greatest risk, the one that had to save the situation every time. And of course, nobody saw anything wrong with that because, well, he managed to surpass himself every time, killing more and more people to assure the security of the persons he cared about and fight for his freedom.  
But Eiji saw through all of it, further than what others saw, and he understood just how much Ash suffered from all this. He just wished for him to be safe and was ready to fight for him just as much as Ash was. 

Now Ash and Eiji had exchanged places, like Eiji wished it. Eiji had to do the ugly job, putting himself in danger, and Ash had to worry over him from afar. And now that they were at it, Ash realized that he would do anything to take Eiji’s place and put him in security. This situation was exactly what he had feared the most. Eiji was dragged into this nightmare world of him even so he had the choice to not be.

 

When Ash was finally back with his plate full, heading to the bar, what he saw made his heart stop dead in his chest. The chairs on which Eiji and the scumbag were sited were empty. 

Ash felt his head ring as an atrocious feeling of fear shacked his whole body. Eiji wasn’t there. Ash was supposed to look over him, he promised him to never leave his side, and then he did. And now Eiji was gone with a man that was stronger than him and well decided to have sex with him. Because Ash knew this gaze, the gaze that the man lay upon Eiji ever since Eiji had turned to him to introduce himself. The gaze of a man that didn’t take no for an answer. 

Ash let his plate fell and barely noticed that someone had managed to save it from falling on the floor. He scanned the room with his gaze and began to run. Where could that bastard have taken Eiji? A room on the next floor? Or was the man the classy type that took his conquest to the bathroom? Or maybe outside in the garden? How long did Ash take to go fill his goddamn plate? What could have been happening at the same time? 

Ash felt suddenly a firm hand on his arm, stopping him in his tracks. He turned to meet the fool that would slow him down in his search for Eiji and his eyes met Alex’s, that were blown wide with fear. 

“Boss! If you’re looking for Eiji, he’s ok, he’s in the ballroom with the old Japanese.” Ash didn’t even bother to make a sign to show that he had heard him and rushed to the ballroom, relief flowing hard on him and Alex on his heels. 

Unfortunately for Alex’s poor heart, what they saw in the ballroom would not make Ash calm down at all. Eiji was there yes, and he seemed fine, but he also was in the man’s arms, and they were _dancing._ The fucking bastard man had his hand in the small of Eiji’s back, leading him with grace across the ballroom. Ash felt so sour he thought he was going to throw up. 

Alex began with a little voice. “You see, he’s fine boss, and Bones and Kong are near him, look, they haven’t let him alone one second…” But the look Ash threw him made him freeze. 

Ash forced himself to take a deep breath. Alex was right, Eiji was fine, he was not in imminent danger. But for a strange reason, Ash couldn’t calm down at all. He could feel himself trembling with furor, but he had no way of stopping it. How could it hurt so much, the sight of Eiji dancing with this man? Ash knew it was just for their plan, it’s not like Eiji was enjoying it, in fact it was surely the strong opposite. But knowing that didn’t make it any better. It made it worse in fact, because if Ash was disgusted by seeing this, it was surely so much harder for Eiji, being forced to indulge this old bastard, to stay so close to him and pretend he enjoyed himself.

The man slowed down with the end of the music, and caressed Eiji’s cheek with is hand. He replaced a lock of his hair behind his ear in a tender gesture. Ash knew what would come next, and the realization that this was nearly exactly what he had done before kissing Eiji in prison made him feel even worse. 

But when Eiji came closer to the man, it wasn’t to let him kiss him, but to whisper something in his ear. The man made a disappointed face that made Ash wants to punch him, but Eiji laughed and hooked on his arm, leading the man outside the ballroom. 

\---

Ash followed them discreetly when the pair sneaked out to the garden. Then, they reached another wing of the building which didn’t seemed to be open for the guests of the reception, and Sagawa entailed Eiji inside. Ash looked around, not sure what to do. He couldn’t follow them inside without being discovered for the building seemed empty, the festivities being hold in the hall of the construction while this part of the building was the private apartments of the host if Ash remembered correctly the map he studied at Yut-Lung’s place. 

Fortunately, Ash saw them reappear on a balcony on the first floor. This was much better for him to stay close to them. He entered the mansion and stopped to the balcony that was conjoint with the one the pair was on. The tweens balconies were separated by an oven in wood that allowed Ash to stay hidden but provided him a perfect visibility on the balcony beside him. The openings in the oven even allowed him to jump on the next balcony if needed. 

Ash waited until Eiji was facing the way where he was hidden, with Sagawa Hiroshi turning his back to the oven. He then let himself be seen by the young Japanese, who made eyes contact with him and nodded imperceivably. 

Eiji returned his focus on the man with him and Ash heard him say: “Hum, the night is pretty warm tonight, I’m sure we would be better without these layers on, don’t you think?” He then proceeded to take off his dress jacket and put it near the oven behind which Ash was hiding, giving him a meaningful look. 

Ash fought an irrepressible need to face palm himself. _Really Eiji? You didn’t have any subtler way of asking him to take off his clothes?_ But he understood where Eiji was going. With Ash there, the easiest way of exchanging the disks that were in the two jackets would be to let Ash do it while the jackets were forgotten on the oven, while Eiji distracted Sagawa. 

“It is pretty hot tonight, but I’m not sure the weather is to blame” answered the Japanese man with a sharp grin. _Ok, so either Japanese people are the worst at flirting, either this man is as subtle as a whale and Eiji is just lowering himself to be at his level._ Judging from what he saw of the man, Ash leaned for the later. 

Eiji approached Sagawa and put his hands on his shoulders, brushing the fabric slowly as he moved to take Sagawa’s jacket off. He put it beside his own, near Ash’s reach. 

“I’m sure you are more comfortable now” said the Japanese boy. He slowly stepped back until his knees hit the sofa behind him, still facing Ash’s way. Eiji sat on the sofa, spreading himself in an inviting way, a flirty smile directed at Sagawa. 

Ash heard the man take a harsh breath. He nearly tripped over his own foots in his precipitation to join Eiji. “I waited all night for this” growled the man, his voice heavy with need.

Eiji laughed, but Ash heard the discomfort in his voice. “Really? You are being really dramatic Sagawa-san, we met not even an hour ago.” The man shook his head. “Still. I feel I waited long enough.” 

Ash saw the man position himself over Eiji, encircling him with his legs, dominating him with his height. Ash felt blood rush into his veins. He forced himself to focus on his task. _This is it._

While Sagawa’s focus was solely on Eiji, turning his back to Ash, the blond man extended his arms through the oven and effectuated the exchange as carefully as he could, prudent to not make a sound. The exchange successfully accomplished, he hid back behind the oven and returned his attention on Eiji, raising a thumb to show him he had made it. Eiji saw it and nodded. Sagawa was now kissing his neck heavily, panting all over the younger man. Ash could have made the exchange while singing the national anthem and the old bastard probably wouldn’t even have noticed. 

The exchange was done successfully but the part that came now was still delicate. They had to extract Eiji from the situation without Sagawa suspecting him of anything. That’s why, despite Ash burning desire to jump on the balcony and snatch the man from his friend, he forced himself to think of a better way out. 

Meanwhile, Eiji had put his hand on Sagawa’s torso, forcing him to withdraw a little. “I’m sorry Sagawa-san, but before we go further I-I need to refresh myself a little…. If you could excuse me a moment I will be back shortly-“ 

The man had stopped himself when Eiji had begun to talk but Ash noticed that his hands were still on Eiji’s shirt, that he had started to unbutton. When he talked, his voice was angry and harsh, his breath short. “What do you think you’re doing? You think you can tease me all night and then leave me at that? I have been patient enough, now it’s time for you to only open your pretty little mouth to let me fuck it, you got it?” 

That was enough. To hell with subtility, Ash wouldn’t let Eiji go through one more second of this. Ash hurried back into the corridor. He knew things might end this way, but he had let it go this far for the sake of their plan, and now the danger was unavoidable. He opened the door conducting to the balcony where Eiji and Sagawa were situated. 

The pair turned to him, Sagawa with furor of being interrupted, Eiji with relief in his big brown eyes. 

Ash forced himself to detach from his feelings and to take his most “waiter boy” voice. “What are you doing here, sir? My boss saw the light from afar and asked me to go see who let himself in here. This wing is closed to the public, these are the private apartment of the householder, you do not have the right to be there.”

As expected, Sagawa wasn’t intimidated at all by a mere waiter. He brushed him off like he was nothing, not embarrassed in the least. “Just go back from where you came from boy, we are busy.” 

Ash made his voice sound surprised. “Could you be by chance mister Sagawa Hiroshi? The master is searching for you, he said he had urgent matters to discuss with you.”  
“He already wants to meet me? But his party just began, it’s still so early…” 

“The master like to take care of the most urgent matters as soon as he can. He values very much the time of his most important hosts.” The compliment seemed to work. Sagawa let go of Eiji and redressed himself. 

Eiji stayed very still beside him, like he could somehow make himself forgotten by doing so. Ash saw a bulge in Sagawa’s pants and had to hold back the violent need to punch the man that urged over him once more. The Japanese man was completely oblivious to the situation. He had clearly no shame whatsoever. 

He sighed and took his jacket back. “Fine, I guess it can’t be helped then.” He turned to Eiji. “You stay here until I come back, got it? I won’t be gone long.” Eiji said nothing. 

Sagawa turned to Ash and took one billet of 500 dollars from his wallet. “Here’s for you,” he said to Ash. “If this young man is still here when I come back, you gain 500 more.” Ash nodded and took the money with reverence. “At your service, sir”. 

The man made a triumphant smile and turned to Eiji. He took his chin in his hand and forced him to look at him in the eyes. “I’m coming back to take what’s mine.” Eiji nodded and answered with a wavering voice. “I will wait for you, then.” 

The man hummed and finally left, visibly very satisfied with himself. He said something to Eiji in Japanese that made him blush hard with shame. Ash stayed in front of the door until they saw the man exit the building and go back into the festivities. 

Ash felt himself breathe more lightly. They’d done it, it was a success, Eiji was now safe and Ash would never ever let this old pork near him again. 

He looked at the money that was still in his hand and tried to lighten the heavy mood by a joke. “I can’t believe this asshole was willing to pay me 1000 dollars for one go with you, you really are over the price of the market you know?” He turned to Eiji as he finished talking and the end of his sentence died in his mouth. It clearly wasn’t the right time to make light of the situation. Eiji was still on the sofa. Hugging himself with his arms, a somber expression on his face. Ash was near him in a heartbeat. 

He sat down beside Eiji and passed an arm around the smaller boy’s shoulders, remembering how Eiji had done a similar gesture to comfort him the night after Shorter’s death. Ash felt a little helpless. He wasn’t used to having to comfort people, he who knew so little about affection before meeting Eiji. But what he did know was that whenever Eiji was holding him, he felt at peace, loved. He desperately wanted to convey that feeling back to Eiji.

His friend was still silent. “Hey,” said Ash, trying to find his words, “how are you feeling?” 

Eiji breathed wearily. “I don’t know, I… I’m fine I guess, I…” 

Ash looked at him with a doubtful expression. Eiji sighed. “No, I guess I’m not that fine. I feel… A little shaken? And… I don’t know…”

“Dirty?” provided Ash. “Helpless?” 

Eiji raised his head: “Yes! That’s exactly how I feel! Both!” 

Ash felt his heart strain in his chest. “I know the feeling” he said with a distant voice.

Eiji looked at him with intensity. Ash felt something pass between the two of them, an unspoken understanding. But the moment passed and Eiji averted his gaze, guilt evident on his face. “I feel silly to feel bad when you’ve been through so much worse… I’m pathetic…” 

Ash put a hand on Eiji’s cheek, gently tipping his face back toward him so they were making eyes contact again, their faces inches apart. “Don’t say that. I told you I know how hard these stuffs are to live. I wish you wouldn’t have had to do that, I wish I could have done it instead of you…” 

As Eiji was opening his mouth to protest, he continued: “You were really strong tonight. Not because you made the plan a success or whatever, but because you are always strong. You have nothing to prove Eiji. Holding a gun or playing a role are not what being strong mean, there are many ways of being strong. And you are the strongest person for me. I wish I could have told you that before you decided to engage yourself in this stupid operation.” 

Eiji shook his head. “Please don’t blame yourself. I still would have agreed to do it.” Eiji took the disk off his jacket’s pocket, smiling tentatively. “And look, we did it! The last trace of the existence of Banana Fish!” 

Ash smiled back. “Yeah,” he agreed in a quiet breath. “We did it.” He took the disk off Eiji’s hands and broke it in two halves, without more ceremony. Eiji barely retained an exclamation. “Ash! Why did you do that? Weren’t we supposed to keep it?” 

Ash smiled. “There’s no way I would have taken the risk of Yut-Lung putting his hands on it. I don’t care what he said, I don’t trust him. That’s what I had in mind from the beginning. Now we really are free from Banana Fish.” 

They stayed quiet a minute, looking at the reminiscence of the disk that Ash crushed under his foot. Ash saw from the corner of his eyes a shadow pass on Eiji’s face. The night had been difficult for him, he definitely needed more time to get over it. Ash wrapped an arm around Eiji’s waist, bringing him closer. At Ash surprise, Eiji suddenly passed both arms around his neck, hugging him close, his face pressed in Ash’s collar. Ash readjusted his posture so there were both enlaced. He could feel Eiji’s soft hair tickle his nose. He took a low inspiration, overwhelm by the scent of Eiji’s familiar shampooing. Eiji breath was hot on his neck. 

Eiji spoke with a small voice. “Thank you for being with me Ash.” Ash felt his grip tighten around his friend. 

“Always.” He answered simply, an echo of the words Eiji had once said to him. 

Eiji made a strangled sound and curled up smaller in Ash’s embrace. “Do you really mean it?” he asked with a weak voice. “You don’t have to say it if you don’t mean it, it is ok, I understand why. Just… Don’t say things you don’t mean, ok?” 

Ash felt his heart sunk into his chest. How much lower could he fell? His guilt forsaken him to comfort Eiji the way he needed to be and was coming back to bite him at the worst moment. 

“Eiji… You know I want to be forever by your side, but… Things are not that easy, sometimes you can wish for two very different things that can’t go well with one another…” 

Ash wondered how he should put it. Now didn’t seem to be the right time to talk to Eiji about how he wanted him to go back to Japan and finally return to a life in which he would be safe forever… And how this wish contradicted so strongly Ash’s need to be near Eiji for the rest of his life. Blanca words came back to him with violence. _“Eiji doesn’t exist for you to assuage your own feelings of loneliness, you selfish son of a bitch. You know you can’t guarantee his safety, so why did you let him stay with you for so long if you knew that?”_

“Forget I asked ok? I don’t want to fight with you now. I’m just happy you’re here for now.” Eiji’s voice was so sad it made Ash feel like the worst human garbage in the world. But he didn’t want to lie to Eiji, to make him expect more than what he could really give him. 

“I’m happy to be with you too,” he said instead. “I never felt happier in my life than when I was with you.” Ash felt warm tears drop on his neck. It was the only sign that betrayed Eiji’s silent crying. 

Ash passed his hand in Eiji’s hair, stroking gently the soft dark strands. Ash didn’t know how long they stayed like this, but when Eiji redressed himself, his eyes were a little red but perfectly dry. 

“I think we should go now. The others will worry if they don’t see us return, and Sagawa could come back too.” said Eiji with a neutral voice. Ash nodded. When Eiji left his embrace, the loss of his warmth made him shiver. 

Eiji was looking at something with a contemplative expression on his face. Ash followed his gaze, but the other man was apparently just looking at an ornamental flower that was put in a vase near the sofa. 

“What is it?” he asked, curious.

Eiji startled and his thoughtful attitude morphed into a sheepish one. “Ah, it’s nothing.” He hesitated. “I’m just glad you were here because if not I was considering slamming this vase on Sagawa’s head.” Eiji blushed, embarrassed. “But that would have screwed all the operation, so I’m glad I didn’t do it.”

Ash was at loss for words for a second, eyes fixed on the vase, then on Eiji, mouth agape. Then he couldn’t retain the laugh that shacked him. “I can’t believe you! A vase? What a strange choice of weapon.” 

Eiji was pouting a little, which only made Ash smugger. “I guess I was wrong to worry over you, you can take care of yourself.” He continued with a side smile.  
Eiji frowned. “Don’t make fun of me. Vases are heavy but easy to raise up, that make them a perfectly functionable weapon.” 

Ash laughed a little more. “Well, I will have to take your word for it.” Ash wanted to ask why Eiji seemed to have such a large experience with using vase as weapon, but they really needed to go now.

He couldn’t help but to take Eiji’s hand in his when they got down the stairs, leaving behind them the balcony and the bad memory of this night. The reassurance of Eiji’s hand in his own and the feeling of his body brushing his side were enough to make him feel grounded. Eiji was there, safe. 

_“I’m such a fool,”_ thought Ash bitterly, _“How am I supposed to let him go when I need him so much? I seriously need to get a grip.”_  
But even so, Ash didn’t let go of his hand.

\---

Ash and Eiji didn’t leave the party together. Eiji left with some of Yut-Lung’s men as soon as they returned from the balcony for they couldn’t risk Sagawa to approach him again. However, Ash and his crew needed to stay a while longer for it would have been suspicious to have half of the waiters disappear before the end of the party.

When Ash could finally leave, he headed back to Yut-Lung’s place, where Eiji would wait for him. Opening the door, he fell on Yut-Lung who seemed to have only come back a little while before he did.

“Ash. Welcome back. I talked to Eiji. Seems like everything worked out just fine.” 

“Yeah, it did.” He paused. “Isn’t it the moment where you’re supposed to thank us?”

Yut-Lung made a grimace. “What did you do with the disk?” he asked. Ash guessed he would never obtain more than that from the young Chinese. 

“I destroyed it.” 

Yut-Lung seemed annoyed but not surprised. Maybe even a little… Resigned? 

“You could have taken back Dino’s empire with the information contained in the disk. Or better, you could have made your own empire! Could you picture that? You could have been reigning on the whole city if you wanted.” 

“I’m not interested.” replied Ash.

Yut-Lung sighed. “No, I see you’re not. That would probably have angered me to no end a while ago but now… I don’t know, I guess I made myself a reason. You will never be the prodigious god of war that I pictured, my perfect archenemy…” 

Ash said nothing, and the silence stretched between them. He was leaving the room when Yut-Lung stopped him. 

“I’m sure you want to retrieve your precious Eiji, but first there is someone who wants to see you.” 

Yut-Lung seemed to hesitate. “But before that, I want to apologize about the murder tentative you’ve been thought this morning, and the one that hurt Eiji a few days ago. The one with Lao isn’t technically my fault but I can’t help to feel like I bear some sort of responsibility for what happened. For a long time, I was only focused on destroying the happiness you seemed to have with Eiji. I couldn’t stand how being with him made you weaker. But I guess I also thought that it wasn’t fair how you, who were so similar to me, could have someone who cared for you like he did, where I had no one. I still think it would be for the best if you parted ways with Eiji. You two may be friends for some incomprehensible reason, but you know fully well that Eiji isn’t cut to survive in our world. You’ve said it yourself, he isn’t like us.”

Yut-Lung paused and frowned, like he was wondering where he was going with all this. He finally spoke again. “I just wanted to say that I will hold the promise I did to you. You and I will never cross ways again. I have other things that will require my entire attention from now on. I’ve had a discussion with Sing, which made me realize certain things, and with him I will take Chinatown back. I overlooked my duties long enough.” 

Ash says nothing. He didn’t have anything to reply. He would never forgive Yut-Lung for all the wrong he caused them. 

Yut-Lung seemed to understand his silence. “I’m not asking you to forgive me, Ash. Firstly, because I don’t really regret my actions and secondly because I don’t really care. I was surprised when you didn’t kill me, when I walked into your apartment this afternoon. You would have been absolutely justified.”

“The idea did cross my mind,” replied Ash, somberly. “But you didn’t seem to have any ill intents and believe it or not, but I don’t go out of my way to kill people who aren’t a threat to me. And I know two persons who would have been glad I didn’t” he continued, thinking of Sing and Blanca. “As strange as it is, it seems you too have people caring for you.”

Yut-Lung didn’t answer but Ash had the feeling he understood who Ash was talking about. 

“Well, I guess this is goodbye, Ash Lynx.”

“I sure hope it is.” 

Yut-Lung stepped back, smiling sharply. “You probably don’t care but Lao didn’t die in the end. Sing is waiting for you in the living-room.” 

Ash grunted in assessment and exited the room. He was relieved that Lao didn’t die. But he clearly would have preferred to face Sing another time. 

\---

Sing wasn’t alone when Ash penetrated the room. Eiji was seated beside him and they seemed to be in the middle of a pleasant conversation. The two of them turned to him as he entered the room. 

Eiji’s features lightened up upon seeing him. “Ash! You’re fine!” Ash noticed that Sing didn’t miss the relief on Eiji’s face either. A guilty look passed in the Chinese boss’ eyes. 

Ash grunted: “Of course I am. I was just doing some waiter’s job, the only danger would have been getting bored to death.” Eiji frowned at his tone of voice. 

Ash turned to Sing. “Let’s talk in another room.” The young boy nodded and stood up. 

Ash locked his eyes with Eiji’s. “I need to talk to Sing. You stay here, got it?” 

Eiji mumbled something that Ash understood as: _“Don’t boss me around, I do what I want,”_ but he acquiesced nevertheless.  
Sing followed Ash after throwing Eiji an apologetic look. 

 

Ash closed the door behind them. “So, you wanted to talk to me?”

Sing nodded, “Yes.” He looked serious when he locked eyes with Ash. “I want to excuse myself for Lao’s behavior. In fact, Lao wants to apologize to you too.” 

Ash didn’t expect this reaction. He never thought Lao could regret his action knowing how the guy hated his gut. He was half expecting Sing to tell him that their two gangs were at war once again or that he wanted to fight Ash for hurting Lao. 

Sing continued: “I explained to Lao how you saved me last time, and how you refused to fight me anymore. He wanted to thank you, but I think it’s better if I do it instead of him. He will stay in L.A for a while, we have family from his side there, and we both think a little change of scenery would be good for him.” 

“I’m happy there’s no hard feelings between us then. And you don’t need to apologize, I get why he attacked me.” He paused. “He really cares about you, you know?”

Sing sighed. “I know. But he needs to step back a little to chill and think. He can’t continue being this impulsive and going against my decisions behind my back.” 

Ash smiled. “Look at you. All wise and shit. You’re becoming a real gang leader.” 

Sing blushed hard. “Shut up, I don’t need your appreciation. I manage my gang the way I want.” But Ash could see he was secretly pleased. 

Sing continued, tone unsure. “So, we’re still good?” 

“Still good,” acquiesced Ash. 

Sing smiled, relieved. “You didn’t tell Eiji about what happened, right?”

“No. I didn’t.” he confirmed. 

“I knew it. He didn’t seem to know. I felt bad talking normally to him even so my brother had tried to kill you in the morning.” The guilty look returned on Sing’s face. 

Ash shrugged. “It’s better if he doesn’t know. I don’t want him to worry over nothing.”

Sing didn’t seem convinced. “Did he tell you he’s going back to Japan soon?” 

“Yes, he did.” 

“What will you do?” asked Sing, curious. 

“That’s none of your business.” 

Sing smiled smugly. “Oh, so you don’t know what you will do yet? That isn’t like you Ash.” 

Ash grunted in response. “If we’re done talking I will head back now. I had a long day, you see.” 

“Of course. Bye Ash. And talk to Eiji, ok? You guys need to talk things out, you know?”

Ash didn’t respond as he left the room. That was the second time today someone had told him to have a real conversation with Eiji.

\---

When Ash entered the room, Eiji was curled up on the sofa and he looked like he was fighting sleep. 

“Alex is waiting for us in the street.” said Ash. “Everyone made it back alright after the party.” 

Eiji smiled at that and they went out together in the fresh night. Eiji shivered. They were both still dressed in their suits of the evening. 

Alex and Bones drove them back to their apartment. Ash was sited beside Eiji in the back of the car. From the corner of his eyes he could see the young Japanese fighting to stay awake. He lost the battle pretty soon though, and by the time they arrived at their place, Eiji was deeply asleep. 

Ash got off the car and opened the door on Eiji’s side. His friend seemed so peaceful that he didn’t have the heart to wake him up. 

Instead, he collected him in his arms, passing an arm under his knees and back and positioning Eiji’s head again his chest so it would not dangle. 

Eiji moaned softly and his long eyelashes flustered. 

“Shhh,” said Ash, quietly. “It’s ok, it’s me. I will take you to bed, ok?” 

Eiji’s eyes stayed closed but the Japanese hummed in agreement. “Ash…” he murmured in is sleep, contentment written all over his face. 

Ash felt his heart swoon in his chest. Eiji looked so good like this, soft and sleepy. Ash thought bitterly that he did not deserve the trust his friend had in him. _“Enjoy it while it last,”_ scuffed a voice in his head, _“but don’t forget that it’s temporary.”_

When Ash reached their bedroom, he lowered carefully his friend on his bed. He took down Eiji’s jacket with great difficulty, but Eiji didn’t wake up. He then took off his shoes and draped the blanket over him. Eiji moved to adjust himself comfortably in the bed but it was clear that he was still asleep.

Ash sat on his own bed and looked at his peaceful features. He always had enjoyed watching Eiji sleep. Observing the calm raising of his chest always soothed him after he woke up more often than not after a bad nightmare.  
When he was looking at Eiji, nothing seemed to matter anymore but the quiet sound of his respiration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! And thanks to everyone that left kudo and comments on the first chapter! 
> 
> So, this chapter was maybe a little heavy, but don’t worry, next chapter will be full of fluff! That’s what I like about Banana Fish, the soft moments in between the action feel stronger because of what happened before! 
> 
> Please leave a comment to tell me what you think of this story if you want!  
> Next chapter will come next week~  
> 


	3. Chapter 3

When Ash woke up, Eiji’s bed was empty. He took his time to wake himself fully before joining his friend in the kitchen.

Eijy turned to him with a warm smile when he entered the room. “Ash, you’re already awake? That’s good, I just finished preparing breakfast.” 

Ash yawned and helped Eiji dress the table for them. If Ash was still not completely bright, still in his sleeping clothes complete with bed hair, Eiji was in contrast looking perfectly fresh, already dressed, with his hair still a little damp from the shower. 

Eiji had prepared a complete Japanese breakfast. Ash had gotten used to these Japanese meals pretty easily after some time. It was such a hard contrast compared to the fancy French food he had been served at Dino’s while growing up, or even to the American food he ate when he was a child, before his life changed drastically. Maybe that’s why he liked it that much, because it was different. Or maybe because of the care Eiji put into making it. Even if all the care in the world would never make him appreciate natto. 

And of course, there was the fact that Eiji was a good cook too. His meals were nothing like Shorter’s, who never was patient enough to really prepare the food he served like it had to be prepared. Usually, he just threw all the ingredients he saw his sister use in a pan and let it cook itself. When it was hot, it was ready, no need for anything else. 

“You’re a good cook Eiji.” Ash always made a point to show his appreciation of Eiji’s cooking skills. Part of it was because he had noticed by doing so, that Eiji would make less food that Ash didn’t like, and more of his favorite. “It’s rare for a man to know how to cook this well. You wouldn’t believe the crap my gang eats most of the time. And personally, I was more used to order out before you came.” he continued, contemplative. 

Eiji replied. “My mom made sure I received the same treatment as my sister in term of learning how to cook. She used to say that cooking was a basic survival skill that everyone should master, and that it was a shame that men wouldn’t learn it. She said she didn’t want me to have to rely on a woman to eat well.” 

“I see. She seems like a wise woman.” 

Eiji’s face softened with affection. “Yeah, she is. And she’s strong too. I don’t think I ever told you this, but when I was younger, my dad suffered from a liver disease, and he had to spend a long time hospitalized. My mom had to work while raising us.”

“I didn’t know. It must have been hard.”

Eiji shrugged. “Well, yeah it was. But fortunately, it didn’t last. My father recovered against all odds, and he’s been fine ever since.” 

“I’m glad to hear that.” 

Eiji nodded. “Actually, I think it’s part of why I know how to cook. I would often cook for my sister and I, while my mom was at work.” 

They stayed silent after that. Even if Ash always felt that it was really easy for him to open up to Eiji about his past, the opposite was less frequent. Eiji easily kept things to himself. However, it didn’t seem to Ash that it was because his friend felt like he couldn’t talk to him. Eiji talked about himself when asked, it was just rare that he would do it if Ash didn’t ask, so Ash tried to keep that in mind. 

Eiji was so easy to talk to. Looking back at their past conversations, Ash had noticed that he had the tendency to blurt out things about his past in a way that could have seemed random to anyone else. But it was in fact because every time that happened, he would have been in a place where Eiji would make him feel safe and cared for. He had confessed to him many things he had never revealed to anyone, and every time, Eiji had listened. And when he replied, it always felt like he was opening the sky for Ash, like Ash had been confined in his oppressive thoughts and Eiji had found an overture that could set him free and make him see things under a new light. 

 

When Ash popped out of his contemplation, he saw that Eiji seemed to be lost in his thoughts too. His head was bent a little and his eyes were hidden by his thick bangs. Ash resisted the impulse to brush his hair off his face to take a good look at him.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked instead. 

Eiji emerged from his thoughts with a little startle. He hesitated. “Well, I was thinking about my family, and how they would react when I come back. Ibe-san had troubles convincing my parents to let me go to America. My mom can be a little… too protective of myself? She agreed with ill grace, and then I stayed here for years, barely giving my family any news. I feel guilty now that I think about it. I can’t help but think that I left all of my problems in Japan, that I just run away.”

Ash frowned. “You shouldn’t feel guilty about escaping a situation where you were not feeling well. You’re the one that taught me that we do not have to stay prisoner of our fate.” Ash gave him a trying smile: “Or were you just all talk when you said that, did you not mean it?”

Eiji redressed his head and stared at him with fierce eyes: “I did! I still do.” He sighed. “You’re right. And if I had to do it again, I would still re-do it the same so there’s no need to dwell too much on this now. And I know my parents won’t blame me… I guess I was just thinking too much…” 

Ash smiled deviously. “Yeah, it’s true you’re not used to thinking that much, you have to be careful with it, you know.” he teased, trying to distract his friend from his dark thoughts and from the dangerous subject of going to Japan. 

Eiji riposted. “Yeah right, like you’re really an expert in thinking’s matters, oh wise mister I-put-my-shirt-inside-out-this-morning.” 

Ash looked at his shirt with surprise. It really was inside out! How could he not even notice that? He must have been more tired than he thought last night. He felt his cheeks redden a little.

“You noticed, and you didn’t even tell me? How long were you gonna let me wear it like that without telling me?” asked Ash, scandalized. 

Eiji smiled, visibly very proud of himself. “I was keeping it for the time it would have the most impact. Guess I did well. How does it feel being outsmarted by someone who is, and I quote “Not used to thinking much”, hum?” 

Ash sighed, accepting defeat. “Ok I guess you win this round.” He got up and continued. “I’m gonna take a shower.” 

Eiji shouted after him: “Be careful when putting on your clothes this time, it would be a shame to go out like this. You would lose all credibility.” 

Ash replied in the same tone “What really is a shame is the fact that you would let me go out like this just for the fun of it, you really are the worst.” 

He heard Eiji laugh in the kitchen and couldn’t help but to laugh with him.

\---

Ash stayed in the shower longer than necessary. He needed time to think. 

He felt however that no matter how long he would stay in the shower, he wouldn’t come up with a suitable answer. An answer to a question Eiji hadn’t asked yet, but that would come sooner than later.

Ash thought that Eiji was probably even thinking about the same thing as him at the same moment, in another room. If he did, he would surely confront Ash about it as soon as he would step out of the bathroom. And Ash wasn’t ready to answer, whence the time he was taking in the shower.

Sing’s words came back to him: _“What will you do?”_

What he wanted and what was the best for Eiji were totally incompatible. If he listened to his heart, the answer was easy. He longed to stay by Eiji’s side and would have done anything for it. He kept thinking about how maybe, just maybe, he could start over at the other end of the world, finally free, with the person he loved at his side…

But on the other hand, he couldn’t allow himself to be that selfish. He had to think about Eiji first, about how the other boy could never come back to a regular, safe life, if Ash stayed by his side. And that was what mattered the most to him. He already had been selfish enough, he needed to let his friend go. 

The other problem was how much of a coward Ash Lynx really was. Just thinking about having to discuss this with Eiji, and how strongly he would disagree with him, put Ash’s nerves on edge. 

And thinking on telling him goodbye… Ash had never managed to do it. There were times when Ash had left Eiji thinking that he would surely never see him again. Like the time he went to fight Arthur or the one where he surrendered himself to Golzine. And every time, he had been unable to say goodbye to Eiji. All he did was leaving while the other man was sleeping. No wonder Eiji would always go after him when waking up. 

The truth was that Ash was unable to say goodbye to Eiji because he knew that if he did, if he told Eiji that he wanted him to go, Eiji _would_ leave. That was what nearly happened when they were in L.A and Ash had told him that he needed to go for he was being a burden. At the time, Eiji and him weren’t even as close as they were now, and even so it had been really hard for Ash to say so. 

Ash sighed and stepped out of the shower. He couldn’t hide any longer. He needed to talk things out with Eiji. 

\---

He joined Eiji in the living room. The young man was seated on the sofa, reading the New York Times. He raised his head from the newspaper upon hearing Ash enter the room. An emotion that Ash couldn’t interpret passed on Eiji’s face. He put down the newspaper on the table and got up.

“Ibe-san is coming this afternoon to discuss our travel back to Japan. We agreed to do so when he called, yesterday morning.” 

“I see.” replied Ash, going to the fridge to take a drink, trying to appear detached from the situation. 

Eiji sighed. “Ash, we need to talk about this. We were interrupted yesterday, and there are things I want to tell you.” 

Ash seated himself on the couch, doing his best to appear as calm as possible. “Fine, I’m all ears. But you already know my position.” 

Eiji’s brows furrowed. “I do. I just need to tell you things that are on my heart. I want you to listen to me.” Eiji paused and made a sad smile. “I have many things to say, I hope I won’t tangle everything. I even thought of writing everything down to not forget anything but…” he sighed again then stared at Ash with resolution. 

“Ash, I know you want to stay away from me for my sake. But I can’t stand it. And I’m sure you’re not as okay with it than you want to make me believe. I know you said before that we live in different worlds. But I am not sure if that is true. I mean, sure, we are from different countries, and our skin and eyes are different color. But so what? We are friends. Isn’t that enough? What else do we need?” 

Ash tried to intervene but Eiji interrupted him. “I’ve not finished. I want you to know that I’m very happy I came to America. I’ve made many friends here. And above all, I met you, Ash. I will always be thankful about that. I know you’re worried about me, that you want me to be safe. But don’t you understand that I want the same for you? I know you are much smarter than me.” Eiji blushed a little. “And bigger, and stronger, but even so… I know it will sound silly but… I always wanted to protect you. I want you to be free, and safe, away from all the atrocity you had to endure. I want you to be happy.” 

Ash felt a lump form in his throat, preventing him from talking. He didn’t deserve that, he didn’t deserve Eiji’s affection, but even so… Knowing just how much the other cared about him made his heart swoon in his chest. 

“You can choose your future Ash, don’t let your fate sweep you away.” Eiji’s voice was full of emotions. He took an inspiration. “I want you to know that even if you choose to part from me, I will always be with you. You will never be alone, because my soul is always with you.” 

Ash felt warm tears fell down his eyes. He didn’t know how to respond, too overwhelmed by a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. Eiji had just exposed his soul to him. Ash had never felt this understood and this loved in all his life. 

He realized that there was no way for him to renounce to that, to part from the only person that mattered to him. He felt that if he said goodbye to Eiji, he would be as good as dead. 

“Eiji…” 

Eiji was still standing. He approached him and took him in his arms. Ash felt his friend’s hand in his hair, his steady and warm form against him, his familiar scent. He felt himself calm down. 

He redressed himself, parting from Eiji embrace to look at him in the eyes. He needed to voice his concern, or it would eat him alive.

“I don’t deserve any of that Eiji. I’m a monster, a murderer. You know that, and yet you would let me into your home, into your family?” 

Eiji stared at him with a soft look. “Ash. I do not think you are a monster. You did what you had to do to survive. I know you see yourself that way, and I hope someday you can think better of yourself. But if you are a monster, then I must be one too. Because I love all of you, Ash. The good things and the bad, the light and the darkness. I know both, and I love both. I trust you with my life, Ash. And I will always want to be with you. You are my best friend, the person I love the most in the whole world.”

Tears pooled in Ash’s eyes. Everything he had tried to convince himself with, all the doubts and uncertainties, seemed to be so shallow in contrast to Eiji’s declaration. Like everything with Eiji, it felt _right_ , and _real_. Why did he make everything to be so complicated? Why did he try to save Eiji from him when his friend’s feelings were an actual mirror of his own’s? He couldn’t live without Eiji, and Eiji couldn’t live without him. That should have been the only thing to matter. 

“Eiji… I... I never have loved anyone the way I love you. I never knew what it means to be truly happy before I met you. I didn’t think I ever needed to say that out loud, but now that I did, I feel how right it is.” 

Eiji smiled. “I know Ash. I feel the same way.” 

“I always thought there wasn’t a word strong enough to express how much you mean to me. But now, I think love is close enough. I love you more than my life after all.” As Eiji was frowning at the last part, opening his mouth to protest, Ash continued. “I don’t know if I can ever give you what a lover would however.” It felt very vulnerable to use the word lover. But Eiji needed to know how he felt. 

Eiji nodded. “I won’t ever ask for anything you can’t give me, Ash. I’m happy with what we have, and I don’t need anything else. This change nothing. We have put a new word on our relationship, but it’s always been there.” 

Ash acquiesced. Yes, it had always been there. He knew he loved Eiji, and he knew Eiji loved him, that was so clear from any of their interaction, from the way they risked their lives for each other. It felt different to say so however. Like he had taken out his heart from his chest and bared his soul for his friend to see. But it was _Eiji_ , so it felt right. 

Eiji continued. “You said that your life matter less than mine, and I know you’ve never been afraid of dying. While we were at Yut-Lung’s, I learned something I know you would never have told me yourself. And I understand why, and I too, would give my life for you, so I’m misplaced to give you lessons but… I need you to be more careful with your life, Ash. I already told you this, but I would go crazy without you. I can’t afford to lose you. I need you to live for me, not to die for me. Do you understand?” 

Ash nodded, his heart heavy. “I do. And I will Eiji. I want to live _with_ you. Forever.”

Eiji smiled brightly. He hugged him tightly. Ash let himself fall back on the couch, driving Eiji with him so they were laying on the sofa, the older man on top of him. Eiji giggled and rested his head on Ash’s chest. Ash knew he could hear his heart pound like crazy but he didn’t care. 

“So, are you coming to Japan with me?” 

Ash pondered it, silently. But he already knew what his heart wanted to shout. 

Eiji continued. “Please stop trying to protect me so much, Ash. If you don’t want to go to Japan, that’s fine by me, just say so. But if you don’t because you’re scared of putting me in danger… I don’t care about being safe, Ash. I want to be with you. And if we live a short and tumultuous life, then be it! I don’t care how long I live if I can spend this time with you. As long as you want me, of course.”

Ash tightened his grip on his friend. When Eiji had talked, he had felt his words resonate in his chest. The perspective of Eiji living a shorter life than necessary because of him was chilling him to the bones. But if it was how Eiji felt, if he wanted to try… If being separated from him was as hurtful to Eiji than it was for Ash, how could Ash decide for his friend what was the best for him, against his will? 

Eiji redressed his head to look at him in the eyes. He had an imperious look on his face. “Besides, I’m sure we can be safe in Japan, or even somewhere else. You said danger would follow you but I’m not so sure about it. After all, we have finished with Banana Fish, right? If you keep a low profile, I don’t see who would still want to harm you anymore.”  
Eiji was right. Now that Yut-Lung had promised to leave him alone, he had no enemy left on his list. 

He felt himself smile. “Okay, I’ve decided.” 

Eiji stared at him with hope shining in his eyes, but his expression was guarded. 

“I’m going to Japan with you. I want to see it with my eyes. Even if to be honest, I don’t really care where we go, as long as you are with me.”

The bright smile reappeared on Eiji’s face, even stronger than before. “Ash! That’s amazing! You will love Japan, you will see!”

Ash smiled in answer. “I already love it.” he heard himself reply. 

Eiji put back his head on his chest. Ash couldn’t see his expression, but he knew his friend was wearing the same smile as he was. 

They stayed like this a long time, content to feel each other contact, with the assurance that they would stay together forever. Ash had never felt this light. He let himself believe that maybe Eiji was right, maybe he was the one holding himself back from happiness. If Eiji wanted to try, if he wanted to stay with him as much as Ash wanted, then Ash could allow himself to be a little selfish. 

They fell asleep on the couch and Ash had not slept this well in a while. 

\---

Eiji woke up with a startle. Feeling foggy, he didn’t understand at first where he was. None of this was familiar to him. The body under his, chest raising slowly and steadily, the hand rested on the small of his back, the bright light of the sun in the living room… 

Eiji felt a little lost until the conversation came back to him. His cheeks reddened. He looked at Ash sleeping face, affection blooming in his chest. Ash was so beautiful. His delicate features, his blond eyelashes, the slight smile on his lips.  
He looked so peaceful and happy that Eiji felt the crave to take a picture, to mark the moment forever. 

He untangled carefully his limbs from the other boy’s, attentive not to wake him up. He looked at the clock on the wall. It was already the beginning of the afternoon. They both must have been more tired than they thought to fall back asleep like this in the day. Or maybe it was because of their talk, because they had to bare their souls and their emotions to the other, something neither of them was used to do. 

Eiji smiled to himself. Ash had said he wanted to stay with him forever. He had said that he loved him. All felt right in the world. The perspective of Ibe-san coming to discuss going back to Japan was suddenly not heart crushing anymore, but exciting. Eiji wondered how Ibe-san would take the news. He would probably be very surprised. Eiji was still surprised himself. 

 

Eiji was in the kitchen making coffee when Ibe-san rang at the door. Eiji went to let him in, beaming. 

“Ibe-san! Good afternoon! How are you?” 

Ibe-san seemed a little surprised by Eiji’s cheerfulness. “Hi Ei-chan, I’m fine. I gotta say, I didn’t expect you to greet me with such happiness. Are you finally excited about going back to Japan?”

“I have greats news for you Ibe-san. But come in the kitchen please, and don’t make too much noise, Ash is sleeping in the living room.” 

“Sleeping? At that time of the day?” 

“Yeah, we had an eventful night yesterday, he needs to rest.” 

Ibe stared at him with incomprehension but he didn’t comment. 

\---

When Ash woke up, Eiji wasn’t on the couch anymore. Ash looked at the clock. It was 3 in the afternoon. He heard voices coming from the kitchen. 

Ibe and Eiji were seated at the kitchen’s table, drinking coffee. They both smiled at him with amusement. Ash noticed his reflection on the window. His blond hair was all messed up from his position on the couch.

He tried to smooth his hair with his hand as casually as he could. 

“Hi Ibe. Been a while. Did you arrive long ago?”

“No, less than an hour.”

Ibe hesitated, grazing his neck while Ash filled himself a cup of coffee. “So, Ash, you’re really going to Japan with us, eh?” 

Ash smiled. “Yes, I am. I told you last time we saw each other, didn’t I? That I wanted you to take me to Japan with you when you left.” Ash didn’t miss the way Eiji lightened up at that.

“Yes, you did. I have to confess I thought you were not being serious.” 

Ash shrugged. “I am. I just need to take care of certain things before leaving America.”

Eiji nodded. “We thought so. Ibe-san and I will leave by the end of the week, but you can join us later.” 

“That’s fine by me. I think I will need a little more than a week to be ready. I have to make myself a new identity and that could take me a while.” Ash’s mind was already reeling with everything he would have to take care off now that he had taken his decision. “I also need to talk to my gang. It’s better if I join you guys after all that.” 

Eiji acquiesced. They talked for a while longer until Ibe had to go. 

 

Before leaving, Ibe took Ash aside. “Are you really serious about going to Japan, Ash? I need to know if you’re not. I can’t let you lead Ei-chan on like that.”

Ash snorted. “I am very serious about it Ibe. I took a decision and I will follow through. Are you questioning my motivation, or do you think it’s not a good idea?”

At this instant, strangely, Ash realized that Ibe’s opinion on this mattered to him. Ibe was certainly the most protective person he knew when it comes to Eiji, so if he thought this wasn’t a good idea because it was putting Eiji in danger he would be the only person to tell him straightforwardly. 

But Ibe shook his head, an affectionate smile on his lips. “No, I’m really glad you’re coming with us Ash. I’m happy for you. You deserve a change of scenery. I just wanted to make sure.”

Ash hadn’t noticed he was holding his breath until Ibe’s answer. He felt himself breathe more lightly. The perspective of going to Japan was becoming more and more real. 

\---

When Ash came back to the apartment, Eiji was in the living room, a determined expression on his face. “If you want to go to Japan, you will have to seriously learn Japanese, you know?”

Ash couldn’t help but to laugh at Eiji’s expression. He was already behaving like a stern teacher. 

“Hum, and you will teach me, then?”

“Of course! Japanese is pretty hard to learn, but you are smart, and I will just teach you basics things to know. You will learn better in Japan. The best way to learn is to immerse oneself in language after all.” 

“Hum-uh, I’m totally ready to be immersed, teacher.” said Ash with a teasing voice. 

Eiji didn’t react to his tone of voice. “Great. Do you know how we said “teacher” in Japanese?”

Ash shook his head. He took place on the table were Eiji was clearly determined to give him a real Japanese course and to not let himself be distracted by Ash’s teasing. 

“It’s _sensei_.” Eiji wrote it down for him. “But it’s not a word that will be really useful for you I guess, since you are not a student.” A crease formed between Eiji’s frowned eyebrow as he wondered what to teach Ash in priority.

“ _Sensei_.” Repeated Ash, testing the word. “Do I have to call you sensei?”

This made Eiji blushes, to Ash great enjoyment. 

“No, you don’t have to! But since we’re on this topic, I think it’s a good idea to begin by teaching you honorifics.” 

“Honorifics?” 

“Yes, Japanese use honorific suffixes when referring to others in a conversation. These suffixes are attached to the end of names. Honorific suffixes also indicate the level of the relationship between the speaker and the person he refers too.”

“Oh, so it’s like when you call Shunichi “Ibe-san” and he refers to you as “Ei-chan”, right?”

“Exactly! You picked it up fast!”

“I already asked Ibe why you were calling each other like that. I thought it was pretty weird at first.”

“You did? I didn’t know you and Ibe-san had talked that much about Japanese language.” 

Ash shrugged. “I was curious. He told me that adding “-san” at the end of one’s name was like saying “Mr.” or “Ms.””

“Hum, it’s not wrong, but it’s also used among peers, like fellow students or coworker. It’s the most common formal honorific.”

“I see. He told me that “-chan” is an endearing honorific, used by family and friends.”

“It’s true,” said Eiji. “As you can see, you can know more about the relationship between people by listening to the honorific they use. Another thing which is different in Japan is that we don’t really call each other by our first name, apart from family and close friends. We use the surname most of the time.”

Eiji continued talking about honorifics for a long time. Ash was lucky he had always been a fast learner because Eiji was essentially drowning him with information. Damn, was the Japanese language complicated. 

When Eiji saw Ash frown while trying to remember all the honorifics and the good way to use them, he took pity of him.

“Don’t worry too much about honorifics. Foreigners doesn’t need to use it, we know it’s complicated. I feel like Japanese are so much more indulgent than American when it comes to languages. American all seem to expect foreigners to talk a perfect English, and if they don’t they look down on us. But Japanese are more lenient I think.”

Ultimately, the greater benefice Ash drew from the lesson was learning new ways to make Eiji flustered. The look on Eiji’s face as he tried to keep his composure while Ash called him variations of “sempai”, “Ei-chan” or even “sensei” was priceless. 

\---

All in all, they didn’t have much time to practice Japanese together. It was Eiji’s last week in New York, so he wanted to enjoy everything a last time and to pass time with everyone. He also dragged Ash to all the tourist traps conceivable to choose gifts to bring back for his family. He even bought a dumb “I love N.Y” shirt for his sister, under Ash disapproving gaze. 

It was good to spend time with Eiji like that, even if Ash had still many things to take care of on his side. But it also felt weird, because the date of Eiji’s departure was coming and everything they did seemed like a goodbye. 

\---

Eiji seized his chance of paying back Ash for his teasing the next day, while they were outside. They were waiting for the bus when a couple caught their attention. 

A tall man leaned to depose a kiss on his girlfriend’s head. They heard him say to her: _“Bye pumpkin, see you home!”_ The girl nodded and waved after him. She then left in the opposite direction, smiling to herself. 

Eiji turned to Ash. “Ash, did this man just called this girl pumpkin?” His eyebrows were frowned in incomprehension. It was cute. 

“Yeah, that’s a term of endearment, a pet name, you know? Like calling the person you like honey or babe.” he explained, unsuspecting. 

Eiji stared at him with a stunned expression, like he just had an epiphany, a smile stretching slowly his lips. Ash realized too late that he had made a mistake, one Eiji was going to make him regret.

“Oh no, don’t you dare…” he began, trying to appear threatening. 

But it was too late, Eiji was smiling like a kid on Christmas day. He stared at him with an innocent expression, but it was ruined by the smug smile that he couldn’t retain. 

“What is it, _pumpkin_?” He asked, putting an obvious emphasis on the last word “I’m only trying to extend my English vocabulary, isn’t it a good thing?” 

Ash grunted. “I swear to god Eiji, you stop that right now or I leave you here and I let you go back to the apartment alone.” 

Eiji snorted, not impressed in the least. “You wouldn’t do it. I have nothing to fear.” 

Ash pestered. Eiji was right, he wouldn’t.

“Well even so, I will find a way to make you pay.” he grumbled, more to save face than anything. Eiji was still smiling smugly, unaffected. 

Because he knew threats were ineffective against his friend, Ash switched tactic. He took a vulnerable voice. “I hate even the _word_ for it Eiji! It makes me visualize the whole thing and it makes my skin _scrawl_.” 

But Eiji clearly wasn’t buying it. “Yeah, that’s why it’s funny Ash. If it didn’t make you react there wouldn’t be a point. Don’t worry though, I will use this new information very wisely.” 

Ash translated it by _“I will use this word whenever I want, at the worst time, just to annoy you.”_

He sighed, defeated. “Let’s go home, it’s already been enough trouble for one day.” 

Eiji smiled gently. “I bought avocado and shrimp yesterday. I’m thinking of making a salad for lunch.” Ash smiled in response, his mood already improved. Eiji was maybe the worst tease, but he sure knew how to make up for it. 

\---

They had decided that Eiji would go back to Japan one week before Ash, leaving him the time to put his affairs in order before joining him. Ash also wanted to let Eiji enjoy his return in his country without having to look out for him. After all, it’s been years since Eiji last saw his family, and they would probably want to enjoy their son’s return without having to make commodities for the weird American friend he would bring back with him. 

The day of Eiji’s departure went faster than they would have liked it. However, the week went without any new dangers arisen, and Ash was relieved his friend would go back to safety before anything bad could happen to him -again- in New York. 

When Ash escorted Eiji to the airport, he was surprised by the number of people that came to see him go. 

Alex, Kong and Bones were there, enthusiastically telling Eiji to not forget his English and to come back to New York someday. Jessica and Max came too, wishing him and Ibe a good travel back. And to Ash’s surprise, Sing came too, even so he already came to their apartment the day before and took the opportunity to say goodbye to Eiji then. 

Eiji was smiling to them all, waving them goodbye, promising to come back, and Ash was stunned by a realization that never occurred his mind before: Eiji had made friends here in New York. It was clear that he was sad to leave the city, he had enjoyed his stay here. Ash always focused on the danger that the city represented to Eiji, but in the meantime, Eiji was becoming friend with his gang and they loved him back. It never occurred to him that Eiji would miss them. 

 

Their friends left gradually, and soon, Ash was left alone with Eiji and Ibe, who excused himself to go to the bathroom. 

Eiji turned to Ash. “So, this is it I guess” said the blond teenager, not really knowing what to say. 

Eiji looked at him with a sadness in his eyes, but he was smiling. “Yeah, I guess it is…” 

A look of determination brushed off the sadness of his expression, and he said in a strong voice. “This isn’t a sayonara Ash, we will see each other again.” 

As Ash opened his mouth to reply, Eiji continued. “And if you do not come to Japan, I promise you that I will come back to New York, you won’t get rid of me that easily.” 

Ash laughed a little at that. “I will go to Japan Eiji, I took my decision and I will not change my mind, you can mark my words.” 

Eiji seemed a little relieved but not totally. Ash felt guilty, but he couldn’t blame him after all the plan he had fomented to send back his friend to Japan without his accord. 

Ash continued. “Be careful on your way back, okay?” He then smirked. “I don’t know how a normal person like you can attract danger like you do but you manage to surpass yourself every time.” 

Eiji pouted a little but he recovered quickly. “Don’t worry about it, I will do my best to not attract another gang leader. The only one that matter to me is right here after all.” Ash felt himself blush as they laughed the joke off.

When their eyes met again, they both become serious once more. Ash took Eiji’s hands in his. He wasn’t used of being the one taking the initiative when it came to affectionate gestures, but at this moment he needed to feel the warmth of his friend a last time. 

“I will miss you,” said Eiji, “join me soon, okay?” 

“I promise.” responded Ash quietly, his heart beating loudly in his chest.

He took notice of Ibe, that was back from the toilets and was hesitating to join them. 

Ash let Eiji’s hands go and stepped back a little. “Well then, goodbye to you two! See you soon!” 

The two Japanese waved to him. “Goodbye Ash! And be careful too, okay?”

Ash stayed until Eiji dissipated at the engagement gate. His heart was heavy in his chest. Soon, his friend would be at the opposite end of the globe, and the feeling of loneliness that dwelled on him at that thought was bigger than expected.

\---

They had decided that Eiji would call Ash one week after arriving in Japan, and they would fix the last details of his departure. 

As the day of the call came by, Ash made sure to always have one of his men ready to answer it. Ash repeated to himself that it was because call across countries were pricy, and with the time difference it would be hard to call back if he missed the call, but he knew that the truth was that he was dying to hear Eiji’s voice. It had been a whole week where he didn’t have any news of his friend. Did he come home easily? Was he okay? Anything could have happened to him and Ash would have absolutely no way of knowing. 

Ash had always thought that he could live without Eiji if it was for the other safety. He thought he could manage his loneliness if he knew Eiji was living a safe life away from him, that he could at least rely on his memories of them together and recomfort himself with the fact that is friend was safe. But he understood now just how much he had been lying to himself. The truth was that he missed him and that his life had come back to be the dull one it was without him. 

Nonetheless, he was pretty busy all week. Planning his departure, doing preparations and recommendations for his gang, fabricating himself a new identity with new papers… He even found the time to buy a few books to learn a little Japanese to impress Eiji when they would be reunited. 

 

One day, finally, the phone rang. Alex was promptly on his feet to answer it. 

A hesitant voice was on the line “Hello, it’s Eiji… Is that you Ash?” 

“Hey Eiji! It’s Alex! But Ash isn’t far, I will go get him!” 

In fact, Ash was already here, running as soon as he heard the ringing. He took the phone off Alex’s hands. “Eiji??” 

“Ash! It’s you! It’s so good to hear you! How are you?” responded an eager voice. 

Ash chuckled softly. “I’m fine. Everything’s in order from my part and nothing eventful happened since you left. And you, are you okay?” 

“Yes, I’m very fine too! So, you’re saying you’re still coming right?” Eiji answered, hopeful.

“Obviously,” replied Ash, “I told you I would, did you already forget?” 

Eiji scuffed at the other end of the line. “Well I’m just scared you would chicken out I guess.” 

“Me? Chicken out? Who do you take me for, I’m not a coward!” Ash pouted. He heard Eiji laugh. It was so strange to talk to him like this, without seeing him. Eiji’s voice was strangely distorted by the phone, and Ash felt a sudden longing to see his friend face to face. 

“So, when are you leaving, then?” asked the Japanese boy. 

“I got a ticket for a plane leaving in two days. I will be in Tokyo Wednesday.” 

He heard a soft exclamation on the line. “Great! I can’t wait! I still can’t believe you really are coming! Ibe-san will go pick you up, and escort you to the train station. I will ask him to buy your ticket to Izumo. I will be waiting for you at the station.” 

When Ash put the phone away, he knew that these two days would be long. His heart was already beating fast in his chest in anticipation. He couldn’t wait.

\---

Ash embarked without any problem two days after. 

When he separated from his gang, Alex assured him he had everything covered and that he would make him proud. Ash found the phrasing weird for it made him feels a little like a dad, but he told Alex that he trusted him and knew everything would be fine as long as they wouldn’t look for trouble with other gangs. 

Kong and Bones asked him to say hello to Eiji for them and wished him a good trip. They all seemed to think he deserved a break and Ash let himself think that he indeed did. 

Sing went to see him off too, but he was more surprised by seeing Cain the day before his departure. He expected him to scold him about his choice, but Cain smiled at him and said that he made the right decision. He wished him a good life, saying he deserved it more than anyone he knew. Ash didn’t agree but let it slip without commenting. 

Sing insisted that they would see each other again one day, and that if him and Eiji didn’t come back to New York, maybe he would be the one to make the trip. “It’s not that I want to see you again or whatever, but I want to make sure Eiji is fine, you know. You can be such a pain in the ass sometimes, someone need to check on Eiji to see if you didn’t make him crazy.” 

 

Ash finally entered the plane and sat down at his designated seat, near the window. It felt like a new start. He was no longer Ash Lynx the gang leader or even Aslan Jade Callenreese the frightened child. He had a new identity now, he could be whoever he wanted. And it felt as if he was restarting his life. 

From now on, he didn’t know at all what would happen. He didn’t plan anything, but he had the feeling he would come back to New York someday. He couldn’t resolve himself to say goodbye forever to the city for some reason. 

He wondered how deep run his attachment to the city. It was the symbol of a life he had always wished to escape but strangely it was also _his_ city. He preferred not to dwell too much on these thoughts. 

The plane began to move and soon it was flying in the air. Ash looked by the window as the lights of the city started to fade away as the plane took altitude. He really felt free for maybe the very first time of his life.

Maybe Eiji was right, maybe it was that easy, to take a plane and start over someplace else. After all, Blanca had managed to do it. The difference was that his ex-teacher was alone with his solitude and Ash felt his heart strain a little at this thought. He remembered how Blanca had asked him to come to the Caribbean with him to assuage his feelings of loneliness. 

But Ash couldn’t go with Blanca. He was maybe one of the rare adults in his life to never have abused of him, and ultimately, he had been good to him and had even helped him to take Golzine down. But he was too linked to the old life Ash wanted to forget. 

He wondered what Blanca would say if he knew Ash had decided to join Eiji in Japan. He would probably disapprove. And he would be right, Ash was putting Eiji in danger by being unable to renounce to him. 

Not for the first time, Ash’s heart clenched with the thought that he maybe wasn’t making the right choice for Eiji. 

\---

Japan was confusing. Everything was different and however the same. The people too hurried to pay attention to their surroundings, the noisy airport, the big city full of lights… But for some reason it still felt really different to New York. 

Ash was grateful Ibe went to take him at the airport. There was no way he would have been able to take the train to Izumo all by himself. 

Ibe seemed in good shape, and he told him that Eiji had arrived safely home too. They parted ways when Ash entered the train that would take him to Eiji. 

 

Arrived at Izumo, Ash was tired but proud of himself for not missing the station, as it was really hard to understand anything around him. He exited the train and landed foot on the station’s floor. 

He looked around. There weren’t as many people here than in Tokyo, but he couldn’t see… 

Eiji was there. Their gaze hook on each other from across the station. Their eyes lighted up at the same time in recognition, a similar smile blooming on their faces, their expressions mirroring each other. 

They began to run at the same time. They collided into each other, maybe a little too strongly. Eiji linked his arms around Ash’s neck and Ash enlaced his waist. 

“Ash.” was the first thing Eiji said, his face buried into Ash’s neck. “You’re here!”

Ash laughed softly and gripped Eiji more firmly. “Eiji.” He wanted to feel him, to be closer to him. “I’m here.” 

They stayed an instant like this, neither of them wanting to let the other go. Then Eiji stepped back a little in Ash’s embrace to look at him in the eyes. He was smiling brightly. He was exactly the same as he was when they last saw each other, not much more than one week ago, but it felt like an eternity had passed since Ash saw his precious smile.

Eiji took Ash’s face in his hands, bushing his hair off his face, like he wanted to have a better look at him. Ash did the same, cradling Eiji’s face in his hands, ghosting his fingers across the soft skin to map his face. 

Ash dropped his forehead on Eiji’s. They were so close like this that he could feel Eiji’s heart beat in his chest, his breath on his lips, like they were only one human being. Ash had never felt this alive. 

The moment was broken by the departure of the train, which was so noisy it made them startle and bump their forehead against each other. 

They laughed, stroking their sore forehead sheepishly. 

“So, did you travel well?” asked Eiji. “You must be so tired.”

“It doesn’t matter.” replied Ash. And really it didn’t. 

Eiji entrained him outside, hooking his arm to his. He was beaming with excitement. 

“I can’t wait to show you everything, Ash!” 

Ash laughed. “We have all the time in the world for that.”

Eiji turned to him. “We do?”

“Yes. We have forever, after all.” 

And for the first time since he had made his decision, Ash knew with certitude he was making the right choice, because something that felt so right couldn’t be wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who've read this story! I hope you liked it! 
> 
> I shortened it to three chapters, because I'm not sure if I will post the fourth here or if I will make a new multi-chapters serie, following to this one, with Ash and Eiji in Japan.
> 
> I have so many ideas for rest of the story, I hope you'll want to read it! 
> 
> Thanks a lot to everyone leaving kudo and comments, you always brighten my day!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Please tell me what you think of this first chapter in the comments, I will do my best to answer and add the next chapter as soon as possible!  
> This is the first time I write a fic, and I’m not a native English speaker, so I’m sorry in advance if you see some weird typo.  
> 


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